peek, poke, puke

a slice of bread

2011-12-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

living in a sunny part of the world where morning sun is sheer pleasure is indeed a geographical fortune of mine. hence i love stepping out for a walk, anywhere will do, friends accompanying would be just perfect :)

but there are times when you get cornered by vagrants or beggars when you're eating, or maybe shopping.

like everywhere else in the world, beggars often approach strangers for money. as a girl i am always a little fearful of this and tried to shorten the experience as much as possible. i avoided eye contact and quickly drew change from my pocket for them or shook my head in decline if i had none. i felt unfairly targeted and yes, some of them were bothersome.

i do feel sorry for their poverty and wanted to help like anyone else would. but i felt annoyed and bothered by them especially when i really don't have change on me and they still persist.

i remember one day my big brother and i walked past a foreign, mid east looking man, carrying his daughter back and forth in KLIA. as soon as i saw him looking at us, i averted my gaze pretending not to see him. he approaches us though and i got puzzled. he told us that he was stuck for days in KLIA with no money and no food. all his belongings were taken by some stranger, guess the word 'robbed' would be appropriate. but who knows if he's cheating? explanation went on, my big brother took out RM50 and gave him away.

that man conveyed his gratitude, so sincerely but i kept questioning my brother if he was cheating as we walked away. "Allah knows if he's cheating.", my brother answered.

then a sudden thought popped into my mind - Allah knows everything and He creates everything. Human beings, animals, plants; it doesn't really matter, for all of them are the creations of Allah.

think again, 2:43, muslims are encouraged to emulate the messenger of Allah, that is to assess and pay their zakah, ever ask why?

i'm pretty sure you've heard of Bill Gates, one of the richest men in the world. imagine, if he gives away 2.5% of his money to the poor people in the world. you can roughly calculate how much of his wealth that is contributed for good to the world, soon improve the HDI of the country hence increases the national income, GDP, GNP, NNI and so on. not to mention, the reduced crime and better opportunities for all.

learning economics simultaneously seeking the truth in Islam makes me realize so many things. subhanallah, the beauty of zakah; it's more than just a tax, it's more than charity. it's a tool that fosters justice and harmony. even though we're not connected, even though our skin color or maybe religion, or race is different, it's still a life that Allah has granted to them.

what if we start with a little alms (sedekah)? instead of paying RM5 for unhealthy junk food and beverage, why don't we give it away to those who can't even afford a slice of bread?

"While earning your daily bread, be sure you share with those less fortunate,"

- P.S I Love You

p/s: sorry for the very-late-update. IB is currently inducing overexertion in schoolwork, violently impedes my already-non-existent social life. but no worries, i'm surviving it! kbye ;)

assalam alaik! :D

who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last?

2011-08-28T23:57:00.001+08:00

a few years back, i had always struggled with covering my awra. considering myself as an orchestra simultaneously a brass band clarinet player, surrounded by multicultural friends in school, i delayed it. i thought too much on how hijab would soon change me, especially on how my chinese and indian friends would treat me indifferently than before. again and again, i decided to delay, assuming; 'alas, the time will come.'

and so, i failed to cover them, up until my upper secondary school years.

i enrolled into boarding school then, inheriting so-called family tradition, along with the dream to become a scholar like my brother someday. i worked hard and tried to score every tests and examinations that i came across and successfully obtaining consistent high marks.

i did a lot of hard work - for nothing really.

it's compulsory to wear hijab in boarding school and so i obeyed. i soon tried to wear it outside the school and i succeeded. my first year of being a 'hijaber' was a success, i thought.

until, a chinese friend of mine asked me about hijab and the only thing i did was to regurgitate what others say about Islamic modesty, wearing it for Allah’s sake as He commanded it etc. but i didn’t mean it. i didn't feel satisfied with it.

yes, hijab had been my weakness.
if someone, anyone wanted to plant a seed of resentment in me, they'd start with hijab. force me to wear it. promise me the hell-fire.

perhaps i just want to feel joy and faith when i do things, just like everything i do in life. even when i feed any cat or fish, feeling compassion for it in its current state, i feel joy and faith taking care of Allah’s creation.

i even wondered why does Allah; oblige us to cover up ourselves, cover our aurat.

because Islam challenges us to be the best we can be.
i believe my struggles with hijab, is the key challenge for me. may also be true for sisters whose families or even whose cultures are not particularly observant, i know, i've been through the whole thing.

for others it may be something else, especially if hijab is no problem for you. i am a Muslim. i have no qualms, no shyness about being muslim and believing that Islam is the truth. life, science, maths, geography, history, medicine, everything reflects Islam and Islam reflects everything. you can deny it, but it will still exist. it’s like the huge pink elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. just like gravity, like kinetic energy, like 1 + 1 = 2, like cells multiplying, Islam does not need human belief to exist. gravity will still pull everything to earth, 1 + 1 will always be 2, cells will continue to multiply even if we deny that these are truths. Islam is true, quran is true. 17:105

hence awra is an Islamic truth. 24:31

and so i reflected each and every passing moment of mine
how He started to bring me into path, He introduced to me ukhwah, He conveyed His commands and messages through them, He shows His affection and love by answering my prayers sometimes declined them too, yet He still gives the best. 2:153

and He protects me from going astray
He placed me into another better place, Mara College Seremban. He gives me another wonderful family, He blessed me another Ramadhan, and yes, He even brings along my whole family into His only path this Ramadhan. alhamdulillah, thank you, thank you ya Allah. this ramadhan means so much to me ya Allah. subhanallah, Allah knows best. 22:68

i've learnt so much things within this holy month. i've taken inspiration from friends, new friends, seniors and even reverts who practice Islam with so much conviction and faith. nothing can sway them and they are satisfied. and i realize they, themselves have walked their own paths. they have learned, studied, gathered knowledge and chose Islam. they also made mistakes, for each person is weak and prone to sin and error. 4:110

insyaAllah, i would like to be the same. i'd like to feel like i'm doing the best thing, that i'm practicing the eternal truth.

i want to feel happy wearing hijab. i don’t want to begrudge a piece of cloth.

and who knows, this Ramadhan could be my last Ramadhan, hence i seek forgiveness from anyone who knows me and i am forgiving anyone who has done the same to me. not to forget, my greatest gratitude to anyone who had changed me for the better. thank you so much, may Allah bless you guys :)

assalam alaik! :D

we're so lucky, batch 93

2011-06-26T07:23:00.001+08:00

warning: the following post may seem to be a racial slur but keep in mind the writer is a malay, therefore there is no racial bs in this. furthermore, the writer would like to apologize on any damage inflicted by the following. everyone is entitled for their opinion and the writer has hers. freedom of speech is practiced in Malaysia. viewer discretion is advised :)

guess most of us are well aware of this. but if you don't, kindly check it here:
1. PSD scholarships to be reviewed next year or
2. PM: Total review of PSD scholarship policy in 2012 :)

earlier this month, i was shocked and i believe most of us were, as well since we're informed that students with top results didn't get PILN that they deserve to get despite the vow made by pm that all students scoring 8A+ and above will receive the PSD scholarships. some of them even ended up getting matrix and diploma to study in local.

i am not a straight A+ student in the first place but alhamdulillah, i got PILN. i was excited at the beginning but as time passes, i felt guilty. i thought that i didn't deserve to get it.

so last night i had a short yet thoughtful conversation with a friend of mine, Afiq who is pursuing his studies in UTM Skudai under MARA's Excellence Scheme Program (SPC). yes, he was offered a fast track engineering course even before spm result was announced. he's one of our top spm scorers in my former school and i must admit, he's indeed a potential student. he decided to stay on track, "even if most of your friends are studying abroad?", i asked.

"this is already a blessing. who knows that i may pursue my master abroad?" - he replied.

that very sentence itself had made me thought.

"do i deserve this?" - i doubted.
i didn't feel as ecstatic as i expected myself to be. yes of course, i am grateful, but somehow i still question myself: "do i deserve this?". i am a bumiputra, so when people say non-bumi scorers didn't get PILN, i was taken aback. why did i get this, and not them? what if someone needs it more that i need it? not to say that i am from a rich family, but i believe my parents can afford to send me to local IPTA for my studies. makes me wonder, this opportunity i am given, although i believe God fated it for me, maybe, just maybe, if someone whose financial state is worse than mine is given the opportunity - maybe it'll be more worthy? maybe it'll make a whole lot more of a difference.

"opportunity knocks but only once, yin" - my heart whispered.
why don't i just accept it and make full use of this opportunity to study hard, get my degree, and come back to serve my nation? yes, the only approach to this situation is i've promised to study real hard and not to take it for granted. it is not a privilege, it's a responsibility. we're using the people's money, they've worked to earn, feed their kids and paid taxes. being a government scholar is never about the fame or the bragging rights because after our studies, we'll work in the government, for the people.

"yes, the people" - i assured myself.
we study for them, we work for them, we serve them. not the political party that runs the government, not the royal family that leads our constitution - but the people of Malaysia, regardless of their race and faith.

yes, i want to educate people to love themselves, how each and everyone of my patient is so precious. i want the entire nation to appreciate themselves with the only way possible – take a good care of their own body. and i strongly believe that an education supported by using people’s money, who pay taxes every year, should be giving back to what they’ve paid for, and this i aim to achieve.

insyaAllah, i'll do my best in IB. lillahitaa'la :)

so dear friends, jpa/mara or any scholars, even those who're studying in IPTAs and pre-u program provided allowance every month, be grateful that we're given financial aid from the government. whether it's PIDN or PILN, be thankful that we had at least secured a place to continue our studies.

always believe that this is part of Allah's wonderful plan in our life. as for those brilliant students who didn't get a scholarship, perhaps God is moulding them and preparing them for something even greater.

remember, taking the scholarship for granted and not doing their best is like stealing people's money.

and for this i would like to wish everyone: all the best! :)

assalamualaikum :D

so you want to be a doctor?

2011-06-13T22:24:00.005+08:00

i admire the frankness and honesty in some articles, here and here. and do read up the other views from the other doctors, provided the link on the right column.

reality hurts, this phrase suits the medical profession very well. the bloggers (of MOs, HOs, specialists etc) did a great job in informing future doc-wannabes about the pros and cons of the profession, mostly about the misconception that the public has regarding the medical doctor.

i had my days in sandakan right after i finished my high school. considering my mom's profession who often deals with the medical staffs in general hospital, i took every opportunity just to at least know how the journey of a doctor would be, with a great hope that i will someday embark on this journey with passion, with great interest in the subject.

until, this one HO approached me and asked: are you sure you want to become a doctor? i nodded, reassured him with a yes.

still, he doubted me.

1. doctors have no life - he added.
i believe that we had goals. silly, egotistical goals of fame and money. not to forget, the adequate level of hormones such as testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin in our brain which will trigger the desire of having boyfriend/girlfriend and soon to bonding and creation of long term relationship, marriage.

to whom we're married, it's Allah's arrangement. with this belief and a little effort, insyaAllah, our sincere desire will be fulfilled since it's a sunnah from Rasulullah :)

fame and money? 4:77, 40:39.

2. gaji tak besar - he argued.
looking at the government sector, i believe salary does not keep in tandem with the forever rising costs of living. one day i will have my own family to feed, while taking care of the elderly in my family. and reconsider the hazardous long hours of working, i thought twice.

i once had an experience of working, as a cashier in KFC. some will doubt me in response: "how can you compare a cashier with a doctor?" this is not comparing, only to share my first working experiences. this career may sound like a 'cashier' but we did a lot more other things, rather than standing there comfortably waiting for customers, involving ourselves only with figures and money. we clean the equipments, deal with dissatisfied customers, cut the lettuce to 0.08mm width and 0.5mm of length, we measure every single thing according to the procedures. we even work overtime without overtime pay.

i believe the rest of the careers on earth require responsibilities and hard work, including doctors.

i know, i'm not yet a doctor and have no rights in discussing the reality of being a doctor in the first place.

3. but, why blame us?

what amuses me so much is how this person is actually happy and excited to see the disappointed faces of future doctors. all those good doctors in the country today, weren’t they “enthusiastic SPM leavers” once before? maybe he's talking about the ones who have a fantasy about being a doctor, i wish he does know that this affects every graduate, good or bad. again, why blame our passion?

if the housemanship in Malaysia is getting worse for the reason that unqualified students are eager to become doctors or i suppose had become ones, then create good entry qualifications and strict monitoring of the pre-u standards. MMC should be strict in monitoring quality itself. no, MMC should be a free body to monitor the standards of doctors practising in this country in the first place.

and, why remove medical common exam? it's the only way to segregate the quality students from those sub-par. all developed countries with well structured medical programs must have at least one licensing exam to ensure doctors are of certain quality. also, to maintain the quality of the healthcare system itself. why and why?

get distracted by those pessimistic views feels like being defeated. but, ever heard of: being defeated is often temporary, giving up makes it permanent? i may get distracted, but i'm not giving up.

16: 53, whatever blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah. alhamdulillah, to be arranged in this medical journey itself is a blessing from Him. and so, we hear and we obey. 2:286, this path may be hard, even if one day He took away one of our best abilities or blessings, or perhaps He doesn't fulfill any of our desires, always believe that He knows best.

i am assigned to this responsibility and so i will go on. inna a'malu binniat. insyaAllah :)

instead of preparation for IB, i'd rather talk about feelings :D

2011-06-09T02:00:00.008+08:00

alhamdulillah, again and again i'm very grateful that He arranges this journey so perfectly. being offered in international baccalaureate for medicine was indeed my dream and now, it's a reality. insyaAllah.

so these days i've been reading on IB, yet i asked a lot even to the littlest things. *pardon my ignorance, seniors :)*

and through my observations, the most discussed topics were more or less on the level of difficulty itself and schedule conflicts. especially when it comes to assignments like EE, TOK and 150 hours of CAS to be completed over junior and senior years. and truth to be told, i am nervous as well.

1. therefore we tend to keep on feeling ANXIOUS :/
- in spite the nervousness that we already had. in fact, we're more curious to know more, what's this and that and all these are literally from internet specifically through the free web service that i'm using now, Blogger and the most reliable social web ever: Facebook. 3 years back when i'm so eager to enroll myself into boarding school (well put aside my brother's experiences in boarding sch and the rumours), i couldn't even imagine the entire life living with strangers, sharing a room of eight and imagining how my privacy and freedom had lessen. maybe because Friendster didn't do its job of providing informations like Facebook did. :p

the existence of Facebook helps in a way.

and again, why are we nervous?

2. because we're EXCITED :D

we asked this and that, like: are we allowed to do this and that? what are the dos and don'ts? how long is raya holiday and when is it? etc. i am not excluded, of course. but to think back the upcoming 2 years of experiencing it ourselves, why don't we sit back and relax, enjoying every single day left? no.

3. because we're DOOMED :|

lol, that sounds way too much, but frankly speaking, i am afraid. not sure if any of my colleagues experience the same thing.

well, i used to be a timid girl, very, very insecure. i thought too much on what others think of me despite the fact that they're not even noticing me, lol, that's paranoid. but having this 'fear feeling' actually taught me on how to be self-aware, to be careful on how you behave, how you talk to others, how to keep mouth shut whenever you have to. and what am i afraid of? obviously because of the whole new world i'll be facing in less than a month! i'm leaving my family, my friends, my neighbours with dogs and cats who often went berserk out of no where and most of all, my real life here, in tawau. seremban is way too far, mom :(

i'm sorry if i can't adapt to this new life as fast as others need me to. it takes time, but definitely i'll try my best :)

4. because the seniors had gone through it and they're all very POSITIVE :)

thanks seniors for the advices, for the details on IB and A-level, for the pictures of KMS (hehe) and even for the useful links related to IB, you guys helped us a lot! and i'm sorry if we had troubled you guys with our silly questions. *hehe*

thanks =')

so friends, let's make it! put aside the difficulties, the issue on newcastle university twinning program, the probability of flying overseas, the placement after IB etc, because the only thing we ought to think of for the time being is how to survive simultaneously enjoy the life of IB itself.

لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللّهُ نَفْساً إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا
Allah only assigns a soul something it can cope with. 2:286

insyaAllah, we're the chosen ones :)

where i found guidance, discipline and love :)

2011-05-16T23:30:00.003+08:00

it's weird when i know abah was well-known by the nickname of bugis, especially in the village called kampung jawa. and as he started his business world 8 years back, people on the street even students at my age would simply call him pak cik kantin whenever they bump into him. and for his chinese friends also his former colleagues from bank, he wouldn't mind being called Ajis instead of his real name, Azis. couldn't say more, he is indeed a famous dad.

but for all this while, i've been thinking if my mom had a nickname or glamour name or at least a simple yet 'remember-able' name from her friends, and the best answer i could find is - Puan Fatimah. imagining my mom as a strict mom at home, no wonder she was crowned with that bossy name.

my parents couldn't have been more different emotionally. abah is a really open-hearted person who constantly showers us with hugs and kisses no matter the occasion. as for my mom, she seldom openly showed affection. instead, she demonstrated that she cared in more practical ways. and to think back my soft-hearted dad who could simply follow our desires, my mom hardly says 'yes' to whatever things we've been craving to do. my mom did try to change though with the persuasion from my dad, but it was clear that she never felt quite right expressing her emotions. eventually she reverted to her old self.

the difference between my parents was never more stark than during the times i brought home good test results from school. my dad would practically jump for joy, offering warm and affectionate words of congratulations and even give a treat on nasi lalap. but my mother? "ah, good, good," she would typically say with a tense smile etched on her face, "do better next time, okay?"

i tried not to hold a grudge against her for being so reserved. that was just her way, i reasoned.

but as i grow a little older, as abah no longer pampered us like before, as my big brother left us to the land down under, i finally understand the phrase i often heard from my mom, "you'll understand this when you're older" :)

i thank you mom for being such a strict yet diligent homemaker, i thank you mom for being the only understanding people on earth, i thank you mom for treating us with same hard hands and i love you mom for being a great mother to all us three.

and for this i would like to wish happy belated nurses' day, happy belated labour day, happy belated mothers' day and happy teachers day to you mom.

i love you mom.

this is for you and abah, and all my teachers. thanks for the support and guidance. alhamdulillah! :)

i'll definitely put my best effort into this. thanks MARA for giving this very opportunity. =)

assalamualaikum! =D

just a few words to say =')

2011-05-03T02:46:00.002+08:00

i had loved april, events that occurred last month had been favourable: especially on the royal wedding. hehe! =D

it would cost such a great loss if someone had missed the live broadcast of this magnificent wedding of the century. owh, it was the sweetest fairytale ever :)

yeah i know sitting in front of the television wouldn't be as pleasant as hours of standing in the midst of Westminster Abbey. but i must admit that everything was exquisitely beautiful! kate looked absolutely stunning in her wedding dress and william looked like he was the happiest man in the world =D

it was a real life fairytale. how i wish i could be like kate someday. prince harry, will you marry me? lol xD

owh, in case you're wondering where have i been missing for the last two months (bajet orang baca blog dia. lol xD) i went to MARA's scholarship interview last week in kk and it went quite well. alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, i was blessed with wonderful people around me, who had been helping me, even until the last minute, owh, i have no idea how to thank you guys! =')

special thanks to my parents, my big brother and my lil sister, my teachers, aunty natashah and teacher pauline, my friends (especially those who attended the interview), family friend from perak: uncle malik and muhaimin, family friend from kedah: uncle sobri and aunty, nazreen and baku --> owh, you helped a lotttt :)

THANKS A ZILLION =)

hope for good news. amin. by the way, alhamdulillah and congratulations to my bestiee: andy nurehan and a few friends of mine for getting places in Tanta University in Egypt, to kakak mumun and fera for the driving license and to nazreen sobri for the scholar! owh, you guys rock! godspeed guys! =)

to andy, kaka mumun, amirah, laima, safe'nana, fera, iswari, niza, kiki, inma, fatihah, zaimah, fadzillah, semualah! :)
ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalan kami ya Allah, kekalkan lah persahabatan hamba-Mu bersama ukhti-ukhti ini ya Allah, mereka terlalu banyak membantu hamba-Mu ketika hamba-Mu sedang rapuh dan goyah. insyaAllah, Allah Al-alim, Allah akan tunjukkan apa yang terbaik. amin.

sahabat-sahabatku, saya cinta kamu sampai mati. ukhwah fillah =')

okay, till then. assalamualaikum! =D

the unexpected smoking guy

2011-03-22T01:21:00.005+08:00

the age old debate; are smoking men sexy or nasty? O.o

does this look sexy to you?

nahh, for an 18-year-old-girl like me, the first question was supposed to be: "why do men smoke?" *now that sounds nerd* -.-

well, i'll never have that guts to really ask the chain smokers why but i'm quite sure that i'll get a variety of answers from them. it's really difficult to find a single answer about the reasons of smoking, it's like; people have valid reasons for smoking and more or less they enjoy smoking. err, yeah, "enjoy". the feeling of ease and pleasure after smoking that they can do their job easily and more comfortably. like, they have to follow some kind of smoking-schedule-routinely, then they'll call it as a REAL LIFE.

weird, strange, and "WHY???!!!!". yes, still: WHY DO THEY SMOKE??

1. for any-health-concious-homosapien-on-earth would say:
"they're addicted and can't help themselves. that's the only reason."

2. for temporary-smokers-like-they're-not-going-to-be-addicted would say:
"alas, it's not like we're going to die instantly. i'm not a heavy smoker though. i smoke slim cigarettes. i just really like it, care much?"

3. for forever-and-ever-smokers-like-he'll-never-let-them-go-even-for-one-single-second would say:
"we are all going to die at some point. i've had so many friends die at a very early age, not related to tobacco, which i realized to do the things in life that i like to do. i won't die worrying when the sky is going to fall, i love smoking."

see? when we get to compare these three answers, there's one obvious reason; clearly because they are living their life to the fullest, BUT with their own ways.

......................................

wait, am i encouraging people smoking?

the history few years back changed my perception towards any smoking guy. my grandfather left us just because of this tiny little monster: cigarette. but before he left us, that cigarette left him first. yes, he had this sudden-stop-smoking, and that's what took away his live.

until yesterday, i saw a friend took out a pack of cigarettes, removing a cigarette, and lighting it, and yes: he had that almost ritualistic satisfaction, exactly like my grandpa used to. i was helpless, i did nothing but peek. i spoke nothing and ignored. i was completely a useless friend. but who am i to stop him? was that really him? standing there smoking??

i have no idea.

please, please don't smoke guys. you can still be a manly guy without cigarette. chill yawww~ =D

assalamualaikum! =D

money and me T.T

2011-03-10T23:51:00.008+08:00

i checked my first salary in Public Bank today and yahoooo~ my current savings increased! teehee! =D

OKAY, it's not that much. but alhamdulillah i finally earn my own money!! so, i think firmly right after i saw the figures. RM***.**. it's not even 1k yet. YET. the thing is not get freaked out by how much i happened to spend for all this while. it's water under the bridge. the point is today is the beginning of my frugal life. i swear i'll cut my expenditure by half or maybe more or worse not even using any of it 'cause i reckon i can do much better than that. HEHE! :p

i've decided not to withdraw any single cent. let it grows and me: become richer =D

and as a result, i walked along the street with an empty purse. (right -.-) but i felt pure and refreshed. look at all those people on the street, scurrying around, thinking about nothing but money (especially this one fat guy i met in BSN, i think i saw some money scratch on his forehead -.-)

money, money, money, it's simply an obsession. but once you relinquish money altogether, it ceases to have any relevance. already, i feel i'm in completely different mindset, like seriously. less materialistic, more philosophical. more spiritual. like people always say: we all fail to appreciate each day just how much we already possess. light, air, freedom, love, the companionship of friends. i mean, these are things that matter, aren't they? not clothes, shoes, and fripperies. -.-

it's almost frightening, the transformation which already occured within me. for instance, i walked past the magazine kiosk and idly GLANCE OVER - but i don't feel the slightiest desire to buy any of the magazines in offer. they are so irrelevant in my new life.

so i kept on walking, feeling serene and impervious: like a buddhist monk -.- and to my own surprise, i walked straight past the discount shoe shop without even looking, and straight past Vinci's too. no more cendol today. no more nasi lalap. no spending at all, just straight to amanah saham to open my new account there. T.T
(and saving in amanah saham is indeed a good investment since they offer a higher percent of interest compared to the other banks. source: my dad)

so now, i'm planning on transferring a huge amount of money from my Alliance Bank's account into Amanah Saham. hehe! good plan =D

and i'm so sorry if i have to decline any of my friend's invitation to any money-requiring-events: because obviously I'M SAVING~ lalala :D

but of course, fatney, i'll keep my words on that nasi lalap's treat and to my smsp's friends: i am soooo looking forward for the steamboat thing! hehe! (once in a blue moon maa. never mind one =p)

anywho, i'll stick to these two new words: frugality and simplicity. well, probably my new watch-words :/

a new, uncluttered, Zen-like life, in which i spend nothing. seriously. -.-

till then everyone, sweet dreams! assalamualaikum =D

what if i die today?

2011-02-19T06:22:00.006+08:00

in Islam, we believe that the present life is a trial in preparation for the next realm of existence. when we die, we are washed and wrapped in a clean, white cloth and buried after a special prayer (sembahyang jenazah), preferably the same day. it's like a final service that muslims can do for the decease and an opportunity to remember that their own existence here on earth is brief.

brief. life on earth is too brief. there's a friend of mine (in my former boarding school), well though i'm not really close to her, but i really love to take a glimpse on her table, since she's sitting near to me. i was doomed when i saw the note 'ingat mati' (means remember death). and to all of a sudden, these few days, i've been thinking on the same thing, what if i die tomorrow, what if i die the next hour, what if i die in a few seconds by now? anything can just happen, with Allah's will.

and when i think and look back into my past, i can't remember how much sins that i've done, how much bad things that i've thought etc. simply because i've done too much of it; how could i just wash it away like we use to when cleaning up the KFC? how could i just cleanse my heart to make it as crystal clear as the heart when i was born last 18 years? ya Allah, i beg for your forgiveness, astaghfirullah.

just imagine yourself after you pass away, imagine your grave through nights and days. you wished you didn't do what syaitans said, you wished that you had got up and had prayed. and imagine the day that you died, imagine all of the tears that the others cried for you, how it felt when your body was tied, how it felt in the grave which you lied. astaghfirullah.

imagine the day you'll be called to account, imagine the sum to which your life will amount. think for a moment of the deeds which you mount, think for a moment how much they will count.

MAROBBUKA? (who is your God?)
MA DINUKA? (what is your religion?)
MA KIBLATUKA? (what is your qibla?)
MA NABIYUKA? (who is your prophet?)
MA KITABUKA? (what is your kitab?)

will i be able to answer them? will my mouth work on that very day? will my good deeds pull me out of the big deep fiery hole? or perhaps my sins are too much that i'll be thrown into that fiery hole. masyaAllah, i need guidance, i need your guidances ya Allah.

yes, Allah, Lord of mankind and jinn. 'think of Allah when tempted to sin, think of the paradise which you will dwell in'. that's what kak murni told me. remember Him, our only Creator. and alhamdulillah, i am really fortune to know you kak murni. thanks for the book once again, alhamdulillah ;)

and andy, i'll make an entry on my working place later, insyaAllah. and sorry for the late post, i'm too busy these days. and to my abang, do take care yaw! remember to skype me yaa! ;D

till then, assalamualaikum! :D

nasi lalap craving - satiated! :D

2011-02-09T14:36:00.009+08:00

current mood: extremely happy like never before :DD

while considering what dish to make for lunch today, i've been fighting a serious cold since this morning. so as a result i've been craving for some comfort food; more likely to be spicy and hot (straight from the kitchen!) *woah!* :D

as usual, i asked my dad what to cook and blah blah blahhh -.-
and surprisingly - my dad offered me a treat!!! and it's nasi lalap at my favourite spot! huarghhhhhhhhhhhhh! :DDD

it's double treat babe!
dad drives + dad pays! :D

row of stores in taman semarak :)
(the biggest regency in tawau, huargh! :D)

anddd, here we are!
WARUNG JAWA :D

it's the best best best spot to experience the best quality of food yet paying the littlest to the owner! no government tax charged people! support Java's (Jawa) community since it's Javanese's cuisine! (i'm one of the community too fyi. hehe ;p)

besides char keow teow, my all time favourite food is NASI LALAP. huhh? lalap? or lalat? lalap rice? what theeeee??? chill yaw, for those who're not well awared of this marvelous food, kindly take a glimpse at the pictures below:

yes, that's fried chicken. well, unlike the kentucky fried chicken in kfc's restaurant, this is classic! after all fried food (especially fried chicken) is my ultimate comfort food; though i don't eat it as often for obvious reason, but i love the contrast of the exterior crunchiness and the interior tenderness. while chewing it, even to the tiniest bit, you'll crave for another crispy taste of the chicken. then you'll have no more mercy towards any chicken in this world. when you see them, you wish yourself is a vampire (one of the cullen's to be exact) - grab the chicken and eat it aliveeeeee!! muahahahahahahahaha *evil laugh*

........................

*wait, is it halal?*

-________________-

(the part where 'you grab alive chicken and eat' is of course not halal but nasi lalap is hundred percently HALAL. no worries :D)

the fried chicken and the soup (not in the picture) were as delicious as ever, but without the sauce (sambal) the meal just wasn’t complete. and the only way to know if the items work as a whole meal is to taste the sambal. trust me, if the sambal works; the whole meal will taste perfecto!

let's look back, if you've ever bumped into Java people, or Java's community, or just look at the people in Java, Indonesia itself; most of them have good bodies. i mean; THEY ARE MOSTLY SLIM :D

why? because they're being good to their body. see, even they're eating fried chicken, but simultaneously, they apply raw vegetables into their meal. they'll not only have a better digestion but also improve their skin appearance. and the most effective ways of getting a good skin is to eat RAW EGG. haha, this tastes soooo good :D

last but not least, the major supply of carbohydrates from a well steamed rice. malaysian people always think shedding extra weight is a difficult task. but the fact is that they are not aware of the true fact that one can easily shed their build up fat just by following proper diet, proper exercise as well as more important health supplement.

there's nothing wrong to eat rice, well some would say it provides 2 times of carbs but less energy than what bread offers; but still, we can't simply decline the fact that rice is our main dish. it's okay to eat rice but not too much.

my mom's advice: eat frequent but little. bear in mind to eat enough to feel satisfied, but not overly full.

imagine this perfect meal. savor its flavors. reflect on its health benefits, simply fills your table deliciously and nutritionally. instead of wasting money in high class restaurants, why not having this frugal lunch?

it only costs RM4.00 people (exclusive in Warung Jawa)!
bon apetit! :D

btw, my friends are having their worst boredom ever. they created a secret group. and to my-OH-MY; the name of the group is AYAT-AYAT CINTA. so-not-cool. and i'm accidentally added into that so-jiwang group -.-

salam! :D

goodbye in advance

2011-02-07T00:42:00.013+08:00

muahahahaha *extremely evil laugh*

it may sound evil or maybe to those with the highest modesty and courtesy; it's more likely to be a rude manner as for a little girl treating her own brother who's going to spend his next 3 years in the land down under (to pursue his degree in electrical and electronic engineering in university of queensland, brisbane) a week more from now with an advance goodbye? nah, don't get me wrong, i'm still a good sister to a big brother. (well that 'good' doesn't really work on a big sister to a little sister though)

never mind. -.-

so, my mom and him is flying to KL tomorrow; not that he's going to stay there until 18th then he'll fly and leave me and my little sister! *become emo to all of a sudden* well just for a few days. for vacation or some issues on buying his thangs before he gets there i guess.

so; what's the bed time story for today, let's see.

the above picture was taken during last year's eid. i look like ~~macik~~, no, MATURED (the one who's wearing blue gradient hijab -.-). what can i say; everyone's aging and unfortunately i AM one of the 'everyone'. okay, ignore.

once my brother is there: i'll be definitely doing these 6 compulsory things. seriously.

1. RINGING UP HIM FOR TIMES LIKE SERIOUSLY I'M WORRIED
of course, what else can i do to hear his macho voice? come'on, i love him mann.

2. ECSTATIC MUCH TO EXPERIENCE MY ONCE-IN-A-BLUE-MOON VIDEO CHAT
kesian, seriously i've done this once and it is soooooo COOL *jakun*

4. "QAYYUM, COME'ON, UPLOAD SOME PHOTOS THERE, HELLO??"
trust me, this very sentence will be ignored by my brother. he thinks i'm annoying. haha, I AM :D

5. "ABANG SAYA SUDA FLY PEGI AUSSIE"
wah! this is what i'll answer the-always-asked-questions after 18th feb. *bangga siot*

6. LAST BUT NOT LEAST "HOW'S YOUR UNIVERSITY? STILL IN BANJIR??"
of course i'm worried. brisbane is reeling from its worst flooding since 30 years ago. plus, he's my brother mannnnn. (hek eleh, konon prihatin xp)

people, it's not that i'm proud of him pursuing study to oversea. it's just that having an amusing brother like him, being a sister to an amazing brother like me (well though it sounds the same) makes you feel inspired. instead of reading The Malay Dilemma by Dr Mahathir, i could just be inspired by my own brother; and instead of watching the motivation shows 24/7, i could be just as passionate as he is since he taught me so much on life. he proves to everyone that anything is possible; if only we pray and put our hardest effort on it. he's an achiever, he's always been the one :D

i know my brother has inspired me to be my best now, reach out, be all of who i am and what i can be, share with others and learn from others by connecting with others, like i am here, through my blog and in person.

just for you to know big bro, i am proud of you and really looking forward for your new pics. haha, gotcha! (your profile pic bau hapak daaaa) here's praying everything goes fine, insyaAllah. godspeed big bro! :D

and guess it's not too late for sunday laughs, aite? watch this. this comedian, urm; no, this dude (rude pulak), this guy; nahh, this youtuber is going to aussie too and maybe my bro knew him 'cause they seemed to have the same pre-depart at selangor last last last week i suppose. he's going to sydney if i'm not mistaken; for his TESL degree. hee! he's cool and EXCEPTIONALLY HILARIOUS mannn! check this out:

this is one of my favourite.

he uploaded his latest vid on our natinal anthem: Negaraku. couldn't agree more with his views. just like what my bro said: "budak TESL memang hebat becakap". THEY ARE.

till then readers (bajet nyewwwwww adeww orang bacewwwwwwww blog diewwwww) haha!

oh yeah, cooked this with my mom for lunch today. bon apetit! :D

best eaten with chinese tea or pu er (herbal tea)
due to the current chinese new year celebration.
haha, one malaysia maaa! :D

my homemade seafood vs on-land-organisms (chic + vege) mee curry :D

salam! :D

how to be as young as i am :D

2011-02-04T23:45:00.005+08:00

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. happy birthday to yiyin, happy birthday to meee. *takes a bow* :D

i’m halfway to 36 now. HEHE! *nods importantly*

not that i look like it, mind you. actually, i look more like halfway to 20, but that’s not the point. *wonders quietly to herself if she even had a point to begin with*

*decides to wing it and go with it anyways*

well, it’s 11:45am on my 18th birthday and i have now spoken with every member of my family. this is somewhat unusual for us since we hardly gather around especially when people in my house are aging. HAHA! mind you. so i’m feeling pretty shiny right now.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

stay YOUNG?? guess none of you would shake your head and say no this time. gotcha! TEEHEEEE :D

1. LIVE HONESTLY

to be honest means to speak the truth, even if it's difficult or gets you into trouble. honest people communicate in an open, upfront way; they do not lie, cheat, steal, or manipulate information to conceal it from others; they reveal the truth.

but, is there any exception for honesty? are we allowed to tell a "white lie" to protect someone's feelings? i did it too and sometimes i have to, so i do it again. so, as i turn 18, i want to be straight forward and frank but not the harmful way, but a nicer way instead. no more sarcastic me and no more beautiful lies. i'm me and looking forward for a better me! stay true and keep believing to our only creator, Allah swt. insyaAllah.

2. EAT SLOWLY

scratch that, i'll go for EAT LESS :D

as i'm turning 18, and the whole world's scientists had made a huge mistake to the entire subjects standing on our beloved Mother Earth by announcing; girls who once reach the age of 18 will have a constant growth until they reach 60 then they'll have osteoporosis then their height will eventually decrease. whether that theory works or not; i'm going to eat less. watched Dream High; episodes 8 and 9 today - how pilsuk can lose 30 kg for 200 days, it works on my self-esteem *yet i knew it isn't true that she's really fat* -,-

well, let's just say: i'll no longer grow vertically as what i had been doing for my last 18 years of my life but instead, i'll grow horizontally due to the undigested carbs turning into FAT -,-

and thank God i maintained my weight since the last day of spm. i don't really work out; just having some java-slimming-tips from my mom. hehe, and surprisingly, my mom has the same weight as me! imagine how slim she is! (if you know how slim i am, haha) hmmmm, so; guess i should post some of the slimming tips for you guys next entry. *high five* ;p

anyway, eating slowly is one of the ways to lose weight and have a better digestion besides enjoying the whole meal. trust me; slow eating will definitely turn you into a-slim-royal-yet-prissy-princess. it really works! especially when people ask to you to eat quickly, like; "hey you, eat quickly, we're getting late!" then your answer must be: "i'm sorry but i need to eat slowly, to be SLIMMMMMM" *well of course after chewing every bits in your mouth. i have no idea what does that mean. -,- *ignore that*

try work on this. this may help too ;)

"eat breakfast like a princess, lunch like a commoner, and dinner like a beggar"
- Dream High ep 8

3. LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE

recently (last week i guess) Malaysia Hari Ini in tv3 issued on a quite cliche question (well for those aging, of course, am i included?) - "Do You Lie About Your Age?" then, i asked myself: "age doesn't bother you, does it?" did I have to think about it? i'm just going to be 18, age is simply a state of mind, it won't appear on tv or your ID or even on your forehead just to tell the entire world that you're aging!

surely everyone has heard the cliche, "you're only as old as you feel", so i have the guts to ask you, whoever you are, whatever number your age will turn to : "How Do You Feel?" do you wake in the morning and lie there with problems weighing your mind, or do you get up and look out the window or sit on your porch and see the beauty surrounding that has been gifted you?

what we must understand is that, everyone has a past, even a teenager as young as me have my own. there has been losses, pain, misery and mistakes, but how can we move on into the glory of our elder years and enjoy what life still has to offer, if we dwell in the pity of our minds.

DEATH, yes; is inevitable. and we all must leave this wonderful world one day, and even though you may have lost a parent, a friend, a pet, you are still here and must live to the best of your ability. "we all have a purpose and if we don't let go, we will be eaten alive by the ugly old aging monster, bound by pain, wrinkles and a nasty, negative attitude. "be nice to people and be nice to yourself." that's what my dad told me, that's why he didn't look like a half-decade-man (even though that's his real age. hehe. oopps! ;p)

so i have to ask you, "How Do You Feel"? that will determine your age. lying about your age? nah, i'll stick for the first tip: 1. LIVE HONESTLY. besides, it's just a number, a state of mind ;)

so, how to be as young as an-18-years-old-but-look-more-like-10 like ME?? xD

try #1 and #2. ignore #3, it's harmful, to your soul especially. remember to cleanse our heart everyday, even by doing the littlest thing - whenever you bump into rubbish, pick it up, throw it into dustbin and say alhamdulillah! it could make your day a lot more meaningful. trust me, i've done that one! save our mother earth :D

almost forget; thanks for all the birthday wishes guys. and a BIG-BIG-MANSION thanks to my family for celebrating my birthday with homemade steamboat and special thanks to my big bro for buying the most expensive birthday cake i've ever had in my life! and not to forget my birthday celebration with my beloved teacher yesterday, we had a blast! :D

salam! :D

p/s: sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors. too lazy to check on that. zzz -,-

the film series: The Arrivals

2011-02-03T06:12:00.012+08:00

to all of a sudden; i remembered how The Arrivals had become youtube hit and form 5 students' next top issue to talk to, last year. we tend to be so curious about the whole thing, especially this one classmate of mine, afiq; how he asked so many questions to ustazah, how he become so fanatic about it etc. he even worked as a part-time translater to the audience everytime they (the boys) get to watch it.

for the ignorant i am, i watched the film series anyway due to to the so-called-phenomenon in maktab. the 50 part film centers around the arrivals of the Dajjal (or AntiChrist as he is known in Christianity and Judaism) and Imam Mahdi. the arrivals of both dajjal and Imam Mahdi are major signs of the approach of Yawmal Qiyamah (day of Judgement).

unlike any other publication on dajjal, Imam Mahdi or the other major signs The Arrivals shows how dajjal has possibly already arrived and how he may have already lead you astray. the filmakers (production); Noreaga and Achenahr as they call themselves, have a well researched theory about freemasons preparing for the arrival of their god, satan and dajjal, by conditioning the world to indulge in consumerism and materialism.

let's face it; look at our modern day society and its consumer-mindedness is mostly unIslamic. tv shows, pop music, celebrity worship, the robot-like following of fashion, the unrealistic ideas of beauty all promote a society in which religion has no place. even homosexuality is commonplace. a woman's sensual beauty is a mere tool for advertising. religious figures are mocked, while Madonna's stage antics are a slap in the face for catholicism. it's everywhere. i could vividly recall ustazah's words; "religious morals are seen as outdated. it's hard to be avoided, because it's everywhere." even ustazah said so. hurm.

for the first time hearing about it, it sounds like yet another far-fetched conspiracy theory involving freemasonry. i am no conspirator, nor do i easily listen to anything that has the words UFOs and freemasons in it. (speaking of UFO; click this: "UFO hovers over Jerusalem")

okay, i was even sceptical about this film series. but as i watched the first few parts of it, there were facts it brought up that i couldn't argue against. it was disconcerting.

they present the theory to you as it's not the absolute truth, but something to make you think and consider conducting your own further investigation. whether you believe the film or not, is up to you.

but there's one thing i couldn't deny: the entire world is either steeped in one system, or they are racing to join it. and that system has ideals and morals that are wholly unIslamic.

when i realised that, i no longer wanted to be a part of it. as much as possible i wanted to stay out of it.

that's what put all my struggles with hijab, Islam in general, into perspective. i was stepping into that system and way of life during my 'rebellious years'. after The Arrivals i recognised the system for what it was: the path of those who are lead astray. and it's our own choice to simply become one of them or to deny it.

"I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast Satan
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficient, the most Merciful
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
The Beneficient, the Merciful.
Master of the Day of Judgement.
Thee alone do we worship, Thee alone do we ask for help.
Show us the straight path,
The path of those whom Thou hast favoured,
Not the path of those who have earned Thine anger,
nor of those who have gone astray."

amin

insyaAllah, may all of us try to look at the signs, all around us; doesn't it prove enough? and bear in mind, don't think too much about something, especially how the nature works, the origins of nature etc, because; everything happens to us through the will of Allah.

like how i met to a sister; who's currently pursuing medic in University of Jordan. well, we haven't met yet, but through the conversations we had in skype and phone; she taught me a lot. especially on how Islam becomes not only our faith but our lifestyle as well. may Allah bless her and her entire family. hee :D

and let's pray for all Malaysians who are still in Egypt, and for Egypt as well as Muslims' right and justice. amin.

salam! :D

i was enchanted.

2011-01-31T16:24:00.009+08:00

what can i say? Terengganu has the most beautiful beach that i’ve ever seen.

i had a visit to kuala terengganu last week, well, not for hey-babe-it's-holiday-let's-get-some-fun, it's more like; good-girl-accompanying-mom-to-a-meeting-why-not-having-some-fun. HAHA. -,-

these are my favourite shots. check them out :D

well, the difference between Mataking Island in Semporna Sabah and Terengganu is; the beaches. indeed, i adored the green and crystal clear ocean along my island hopping few years ago in Semporna, the variety of fish when i get to feed them at the jetty, the unique flora and fauna in the islands itself, the high tower which is possibly higher than the firehouse but unlike Terengganu, Terengganu treasures its own wonderful coastline and soft powdery sands. simply breathtaking.

whenever you're alone, book would be your best company :)

till then kuala terengganu, hope we'll meet again; so i can say subhanallah, once again :)

p/s: the other cool shots were uploaded to my fb.

pleasant viewing. salam! :D

treat girls RIGHT!

2011-01-27T16:09:00.006+08:00

now it's girl-to-girl-talk; have you ever feel unsecured? invisible? or like a fat beast? an ugly skank? has anyone ever talk bad about you? and have you ever talk something bad behind them? abusing and being abused. regardless of what it looks like; essentially feeling abused might actually really human. almost everyone feels it, almost everyone goes through it, but not everyone talks about it. which really proves the point that 'abuse' is more about the person feeling it, than whom or what they're abused of.

1. YOU FAT BEAST!
oh, that's way too hush. scratch that; perhaps you've heard of 'you look chubbier now!', 'you're so cute!', 'you're pretty but you should gain a little weight than it'll be okay'. hold on; OKAY??? what does it mean by that OKAY?? i'm skinny? or i'm fat??

well, i can say that the most popular new year's resolution is to lose weight. everyone is beating up themselves just to be as hot as Kim Kardashian or maybe Yuri SNSD. i am definitely not excluded. but if you look back and think; no matter how fat one is, you can't convince them to go for The Biggest Loser just to lose weight! how about the shame? how are they going to face the whole society? how does the society will treat them next? no; the question is; has the society ever consider how they actually feel?

when you said to someone that may look like a joke, either you mean it or not, like; "every time she hits the ground, the earth shakes!" HAHA, that's so funny - not; that's humiliating. some would go for the invisible tease, like; "you look good in dress." but actually you're not. imagine if she takes the so called compliments seriously; she'll wear it on. then most of the people stared at you like you're an alien sent from Mars. would you mind? or you won't? it's so easy to say 'who cares?' yeah, who cares? i care.

remember it's a girl-to-girl talk. sometimes the magazines specifically the teens magazines would easily go for; 'be cool' or 'ignore them' even if you're not? of course, it works on increasing your self-esteem but does it work on healing your feelings? girls, it's MEAN to ask you to mind others' words. IT IS. but there're times you should listen and you shouldn't. simple. look at this sentence;

"you know what, you're fat. like seriously; you have to lose weight immediately or else you'll be the fattest teenager of the year! maybe it's a gene-thing of being fat because your dad looks chubby somehow."

now this is abusive. you can't just simply accept people insulting your family, especially your parents just because you're fat. let's see; what you should listen and what you should not;

"you know what, you're fat. ~~like seriously~~; you have to lose weight ~~immediately or else you'll be the fattest teenager of the year~~! maybe it's a gene-thing of being fat ~~because your dad looks chubby somehow.~~"

if this doesn't work on you; it destroys you! you'll burst into tears, deep in your heart; "no one would care if you jumped off a cliff, so why don't you?"

no, don't jump. you know what, they're destroying you with those 'fat beast' phrases just because they thought you're an easy target to make fun of. is it worth enough to just die because some kind of jerks make fun of you? let them be and all you have to do is find the right way of losing weight and prove to them that;

indeed they're ugly! they mind others' body but they dare not to look at their own faces because you know what; they're ugly! hahahahaha *evil laugh*

2. YOU UGLY SKANK WITH NO BOYFRIEND!
now what? abuse me with boyfriend again? told you i don't need boyfriend!

bravo and kudos to yourself who recognized that you do not need a boyfriend but a real man in your life :)

it takes courage, and self-confidence to not cave to pressures to go out there and find a boyfriend. look, we don't need to find our identity or be defined as to who we are by having to linked with a boyfriend. because; there's a great difference between needing a boyfriend and wanting a man in her life.

indeed every girl wants a man in her life. the long answer is she will want a man, when the time in her life makes her ready for a special man. toy boys need not apply.

yeah, that UGLY fact may apply for why i'm not having boyfriend. the other girls-with-no-boyfriend-yet-living-happily and i may look ugly now but someday; we believe there's always a true man sent by Allah who would realise how beautiful we are. well, of course they're not malaikat but they're our husbands :)

let's just say; it's a self-reliance and the will power to learn and see projects through on our own; taking care of our health and personal growth without needing the approval or permission of any male (except our father). doesn't this demonstrate young womens' strong spirit? what else makes a girl to be admired other than her independant spirit? :D *bangga bangga*

guess the boys reading this would get the message, that independant girl is not a trophy to be won, nor will she simply offer herself to a male. she's priceless and too expensive to get. she's totally unavailable. now every ~~girls-with-no-boyfriends~~; no, scratch that, let's call ourselves - independant girls, give ourselves the biggest applause for being true to ourselves :D

bear this in mind; if you think a man respects you for who you are, he won't beg you to be his girlfriend, he won't pollute you with his sweet talk, he won't buy you with prosperity but he'll propose you to be his wife :D

insyaAllah; marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. be a true love believer 'cause true love waits :)

salam! :D

if there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

2011-01-25T07:43:00.000+08:00

you know how there are somedays when everything goes right, it all falls into place effortlessly and you feel great. there's something in the way things work out that make you feel happy, like getting flying colours result and all you've been thinking is to give your parents a look at it and get compliments?

and you look back and think: even if it didn't go the way i planned i wouldn't have changed anything about it because it couldn't have happened any better.

but during our toiling and planning, during our crisis we tend to think: oh man! this had better work or else all my efforts are wasted. in troubling times we may throw our hands up in the air and shout "why me?!". there is wisdom in the line: "you know, one day we'll look back and laugh at this." you can't feel it then but life turns out for the best all of the time.

what if we could stop in the midst of our work or our dilemmas and feel those after-the-fact feelings of happiness and security. if there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, wouldn't our troubling experiences be much easier to go through? wouldn't we be better able to think and handle the situation if we could be assured that no matter what choice we make (provided we strive to make what we feel is the right choice) it will be okay. definitely it'll be grand!

i did feel bad about the interview that i've failed to go through; been thinking where did i screw up, what have i done wrong, even been thinking if i choose the other course instead of medic, would i have been chosen? none of us who applied for medic manage to get the express-scholarship - skim pelajar cemerlang (SPC) offered by MARA (to be honest, it's really hard to get spc for medic as there's quota for the borneo's students; only 5 for the whole sabah and sarawak).

ray and allan; it's a lie if i told you both that i'm strong and i don't really care about the scholarship. we've been struggling to do our best for that very interview; for trial MARA even during the interview we tried to be strong and face every questions that showered us. but one thing that i realised after the interview is; do not think that you're the best if you're not but try to be the best instead.

no worries, it's just possible to feel blessed and joyful even in the crappiest of times. IT IS a truely out-of-place euphoria to feel happy despite the pain, and peaceful despite the chaos. it's like being suspended in time while history and the future rush and melt, and you realise "what does it really matter? if i didn't have this problem, it'd be another. might as well enjoy it because stressing out is wasted effort flung in all directions and just dissipates into the air."

i guess some call it 'living in the moment', even the bad moments. feeling blessed and happy is always there, even in bad times, we just don't pay it any attention. just look and you'll see.

because; i'm a true believer that Allah is with us. he's always there; watching how we react to this tribulation. i have no more regrets that despite all efforts, i failed the interview. don't i cry? yes, i did and still cry especially when i forward my forgiveness to God; how i may become a forgetful servant and how sometimes i become laghaa with all temptations. i learn to cleanse my heart and i really feel the guilt that it is still not purify because of the anger and sadness. ya Allah, i am truly seeking your forgiveness.

please forgive me and insyaAllah this long tunnel will end with lights. amin :)

almost heart attack -,-

2011-01-20T07:26:00.011+08:00

as the sun stretches out its golden rays and begins to climb into the sky, its glorious morning light makes the clouds blush in a swirl of purple and orange. oh, unlike the days had passed, the cock next door declined to give its daily speech. no, it didn't exist today, left in sandakan apparently. thank God, but i was wide awake; even though last night i remembered i was insomnia. but, i wouldn't wake my mom from her slumber; thought it was too early to be awaken.

i grabbed my watch instead of alarm clock like i used to. looked into the figures on it but unfortunately there's no figure. after a few seconds of interpreting; oh my, oh myyy!!! i screeched. *worse than that i think*

10.47???? a.m or p.m??? @*(#^*&$%&^#!!!
"mumyyyy!! we're late!! wake up mom!!! we'll miss our flight, uncle useh is waiting downstairs, we need to check out...i haven't packed my things...blah blah...etc"

my mom was so cooooool -,-
(like seriously, she has never been cool that way -,-)
"it's still early la yin. look at the phone (my mom's mobile phone)" lending me that mobile with her full confidence. -,-
me: "no mom. it's 10.45am!!!!" O.O

..................

my mom's mobile number shows 0417. okay, stop. it has been a while since i attended add math class, really. worked on math problem? last year maybe. haha. no, it's not funny. i was confused, i was right. i've always been the right one. so i told my mom her phone rosak. then my mom switch on the entire lights in the room we rented; proving that she's right.

apparently she is. it's 4.17am. -________________-

HAHA -,-
my watch turned upside down. no, i turned my watch upside down. -____________-

so here i am now, calming myself down from an-almost-heart-attack; at KKIA - MAS Golden Launge, consuming my breakfast. the place is soo good, it's newly opened. much much better than the KLIA's one. *bersyukur* :D

they provide buffet, television, free-computer-usage, restrooms (of course) magnificient view (really) etc...and WiFi :DD

why they always have pin codes mann, hotel also the same -,-. give unsecured wiFi maa, baru generous. look at airaisia; always says everyone can fly; MAS can also improve; like, EVERYONE CAN ONLINE :D (nice kan? haha)

yummy breakFATS. -,-

flight to KL is at 10am something. cant wait to meet my big brother (si pencuri chocolate saya). hehe, miss him so much! till then, pray for my safe journey :)

captured this from today's Borneo Post

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PEOPLE and happy advanced birthday to me. hehehe. >,<
salam :D

VACATION!! woot woot :D

2011-01-19T02:20:00.004+08:00

finished my magazines, finished a few novels, read each and every lines on issues in newspaper, repeated a few movies, tutored my little sister academically and even on attitudes, tired of the dirts on dishes, been cooking all day long like seriously people are getting fat, also beating myself up to get real slim like anorexic etc; list of grievances goes on.

i'm bored, like seriously -.-

so, after months of turning my eyes from shopping, i let myself go back to pick up some essentials. i'll make sure to only stop in a few stores. i swear! well, bookstore is a must of course! *cant help it*:D

the above picture shows how desperate i am to get those thing

alhamdulillah, kk (kota kinabalu) waits no more. i am officially at KK, tadaaaa! my generous mom brought me along to her one week meeting which happens to be my so-called-one-week-vacay! (i'm like tumpang sekaki setangan etc kakitangan sort of thing laa ;D) thanks mommm!! yeah, and i'm glad to be here. arrived at 3pm, checked-in, settle down; then, SHOPPING :DD

camwhoring sekejap :D

the atmosphere everywhere was pretty the same, loads of red, very noisy and crowded too

chinese new year is getting near people. with Chinese New Year and my birthday falling on the same day, present present pleasee!! anyone??? *ada ONG!! kaching kaching*

no worries, ang pao can be sent in cash, pay cheque etc. for the dato'2; bank-in pun boleh. haji bakhil can give me makan treat, at Chili. HEHE :DDD

wawasan plaza left; warisan square right

Penang Char Kuey Teow.

this dish has always been one of my all time favorites. kuey teow is hor fun, the flat rice noodle is the delicious food that loved by Southeast Asian and ME!! it's equally good in soup base (kuey teow tang, chicken floss hor fun *this tastes sooo good* and etc) or in stir fry (char kuey teow, clam hor fun,etc). well, why is char kuey teow so popular? ASK ME, ASK ME!! :D

well, uh...it's pretty hard to explain in words, the only answer is to find the exact place and taste it by your own! it tastes sooo gooooood! caution to those have gouts, dont eat too much; usually they put tauge alot, so beware.

cool shots by not-so-cool cam. HEHE :)

after 5 hours of wandering around, browsing some essentials, well, my mission is partially accomplished. yay me!

it's been a while really since i last bought her books. it was 2 years ago, when my mom agreed to buy for me Hurting Distance and Little Face (well, of course after non-stop-begging-yet-doing-it-whole-heartedly just to get these two books)

it's no secret that i love Sophie Hannah's books, like soo soooo muchh! i think she's an amazing writer and i never ever know what is going to happen in her books, and usually, i know who has done what and why by about the third chapter of a thriller/mystery/horror. but reading Sophie Hannah - i won't lie to you; she doesn't shy away from going to some very, very dark places. it's a waste if you are looking for a cheerful read when this amusing writer exists in this real world, like seriously; you have to read her books. like my friend did to my Hurting Distance until she forgot to return it back, kan fera? hehe. no worries, i'm going to charge you for the overdue. hehe *kidding*

i picked up these two books (The Other Half Lives and A Room Swept White) based on critical reviews that had been posted online and in book publications. it was very good and if you enjoy British psychological thrillers a la Minette Walters, you won't be disappointed :)

well, of course nerds need to be vain too. i bought a handbag, well hope it won't look bulky in the others' eyes especially the pedestrians (just in case my handbag looks ugly so much then he couldn't stop staring until he missed the traffic...uh...what will happen next, kan?) but, who cares? hehe, so here we gooo; the vouge-est handbag i've ever had (for the time being laa), tadaaaa!

it's white actually. simple kan? look vain?? see, told you vainity won't kill. HAHA, no lah, cheap cheap one; in pasar gantung also got. haha. okay everyone, sleep tight! remember to forgive and forget before you sleep! forgive me too yaa!

salam :D

two and a half movies in a row :)

2011-01-17T07:44:00.014+08:00

you're alone, you always think you're a loner, you'll never get along with people; well, you said that. but have you ever said that you need a replacement? you need someone similar with that person you've been missing? you missed somebody and that's not alone; but lonely.

i thought it's plausible to just forget people, when they went to boarding school, to overseas or maybe; to death. moans and groans, still; those never matched my life but i am not the one who decides. love and loss, that's what i thought. the feelings? i've never thought of them to approach, they just dropped by as if the wind blows each time we stopped to converse.

the lump in my throat just kept growing and growing. i practically had to force it down when i watched My Sister's Keeper last night, just to prevent my mom from hearing me sob (even though i knew my mom was actually sleeping). well, who knows my sobs would wake her from her slumber and i know that would definitely throw me off. i was ego, no; i am ego :\

this real world; people come and go, there's no such thing like touch and go, really. death is not separation but it's a return. don't cry when they're gone, smile because they're loved. love each and every creatures who are living with us, or leaving us or even those who had left us.

why am i so emo? don't ask. bad influences from HBO. -,-
oh yea, the other one and a half movies are Antara Garisan (Astro Ria) and half of When In Rome (Star Movies) - since i watched My Sister's Keeper for the first half an hour, hehe ;)

and now, kindly take a glimpse on my new-hand-made-layout. simple and love it. no more heavy gadgets on this page, crossed-finger :D

songs of the week :)

by the way, good news. terengganu people; please get ready, i'm on my way! so to KK and KL folks, it's shopping time! (well, even though year end sale is over now) it's better late than never! :D

salam :D

10 years later, wonder what will happen :|

2011-01-08T19:52:00.010+08:00

miss A: "hey, it'll be great kan if we have our own alumni? like they did in sm st patrick..then we'll be the biggest organisers, making reunions and all. i bet it'll be fun! meeting our former teachers and all, visiting the students (our juniors) andddd, dewan seleraaa, and and hanging out again at cafe...blah blah and blahh.." *talking with the fullest ecstasy*

me: "yeah, why not." *with no interest, focusing on my drama in dewan selera yet trying to respect and look interested to that very conversation*

miss A: "yeah yeah yeah! i have this plan, we'll do exactly what sm st patrick did. remember?"

me: "like meet-up-friends-say-hello-and-talked-all-day-long that kind of stuff?" -.-

miss A: "well, not that boring la weyhhh..and and and, we must have that OCHESTRA!! yeah! like we had when we're in brass band, remember??" *talking and shouting simultaneously as if i'm not hearing*

me: "sooooo, when are you going to organise this and that? the alumni club? the reunion? and no, i'm definitely not going to be the assistant of yours. no"

miss A: "unfortunately, YES YOU ARE. the alumni club, i'll figure it out later, maybe right after we get our spm results and about the reunion, i've been thinking if it's okay if we held it 10 years later?? is it okay?? 17 to 27..hmmm"

me: "haaahhh?? heeee -.-"

miss A: "yeah, when some of our friends come with their children, with their husbands, then we'll check out for the 'singles' then we mix and match laa..hehehe"

me: "semangat nya kau, and penyibuk as well -.-"

the above conversation was held in dewan selera. when some of my friends and i were watching drama, at the same time consuming our supper; and there, she came; noisy yet cute girlfriend of mine.

yep, reunion. what will happen 10 years later, i wonder. HAHA :D

married? at what age do you think you'll get married? no figures but thousands of questions and stupid thoughts came out. yes, it's stupid; thinking of marriage on such a young age, how possible that could be? after all, i've just finished my spm, i still have my own infinity voyage to travel, i'm definitely not going to marry myself at such a young age, so what for thinking about it? i thought and ignored.

well, but i'm a girl with the same passion as many girls out there; ever thought of having my very own wonderful wedding someday - my very own garden wedding in botanical gardens or maybe in some historical setting. that was 10 years ago, when i was 7. years later i was showered with another question; how if the mother nature decides to go a little wild, then my garden wedding would turn into a garden nightmare? oh no. i should have my back-up plans. tents wouldn't help much but how about a bigger tent, like this? HEHE :D

and i've been thinking if i could 'borrow' some pigeons from Malaysian National Pigeons Association since i need white pigeons so much to make it look like a real garden wedding? hehe :p

totally forgot to mention chocolate fountains. well, i've decided to hire (as if i'm getting married, haha) an outside vendor for chocolate fountains instead of using the other dessert options. because, i thought the vendor will be cheaper plus the healthy dippings items like: strawberries, bananas, marshmallows, cookies and most of all, PRETZELS from europe (haha, mimpi -.-), who would complain kan?

one milk chocolate and one white chocolate. oh myy, i'm pretty psyched for that - i love white chocolate and i've never seen a white chocolate fountain at a wedding ever. (is there?) plus, there's the added bonus that i will be able to stuff my face and not get any brown chocolate on my gown. white chocolate can still spill - yes, but it won't do as much damage. yay me!

look at those berries, marshmallows, pretzels, cookies and and those cute cupcakes!! ohh, what a wonderful moment. MAMAMIAA! :D

not to forget, love songs is a must. bryan adams', air supply's, aerosmith's, abba's, josh groban's and most of all, ERIC CLAPTON'S - Tears In Heaven and Wonderful Night (the one that is first played when you refresh this page ;p)

Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'"
- taken from Jannah.org -

it seems ridiculous to discuss on such things, right? especially girls on my age, 17?? (well, going to be 18 but not yet ;p) but think again, people always say that they are too young to think about marriage. i think it’s just because younger people usually don’t know who they are. they are constantly changing and finding out new things about themselves.

and maybe i seemed to be sooo positive on marriages; chocolate fountains, white doves, garden setting and so forth. but, marriage is a hard work, and sometimes no matter how hard you work it doesn’t work out. even the outside influences can poison a marriage, how about the uncertain relationship before marriage?

i'm not convincing any of my readers to not get married just to avoid themselves from getting hurt. no, never. marriage is one of the most wonderful things to be experienced and remember; marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection :)

The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said "There is no celibacy in Islam." The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition whosoever keeps away from it is not from amongst us".

see? Islam taught us so many things about life. Islam shows to us that nothing could be taken so easily. but everything's possible with Allah's will and effort.

insyaAllah, we'll try to be the best muslim and muslimah and may Allah bless all of us, including our love ones :)

salam! :D

women and men = maids and aliens?

2011-01-06T00:13:00.021+08:00

everyone has their own rights to write in blog, that is why we consider it as a B + L + O + G = BOAST LIFE ON GADGET -.-

i thought it's no one's fault if one get offended or being offensive enough on one's entry, views, picture and so forth. that's what a blog does, right? it appears as what the owners want to; to upload pictures as big as a mansion, to put as many gadget as it is usable in real life, and even some would rather be sarcastic in their words; well, either purposely to voice out their views on something or just to gain others' attention. (so to increase traffic and to increase money from click rate and ads. *btw, i joined nuffnang, just, just now. HEHE*)

as the saying goes, words are way sharper than the sharpest sword. in real life, every single life gets hurt. but in this matter, i try to be neutral because both parties have their own rights.

click to enlarge. crop from a homosapien's blog.

hijab and women. muslim women wear hijab because it is in keeping with the commandments of Allah. through Muhammad, Allah’s words are that women should be modest, and cover their beauties like their hair and their chest. at home among family and in front of their husband, muslim women are allowed not to wear it.

i come in peace, not offending anyone but to remind myself as well.

it’s been a journey yet it continues; this is not the end. let me reiterate that, this is not my final view on hijab. nothing in life is final. we are dynamic beings living in a dynamic world. things are always changing, slowly morphing from one form to another.

the only constant is Allah. i just might act differently to those beliefs at different points in time. probably because of thinking about too many things; life, death, afterlife, how the things work, bad vs good etc.

perfection is not something i strive for. it's a misguided goal (these are someone's words and i'm holding tight with them). so instead of trying to be the perfect muslim, i try to be the best i can be. it may sound like the same thing, but it’s not. perfection is a standard, unrelated to me but being the best of me is the goal that i can completely understand with every fibre of my being. because i know myself well.

i was created as i am with all my bad personality traits as well as my good ones. am i wrong?

"we just have to; open our eyes, our hearts, and minds. if we just look bright to see the signs. we can’t keep hiding from the truth. let it take us by surprise. take us in the best way, guide us every single day. keep us close to you, until the end of time."
- open your eyes by maher zain -

click to enlarge

well, he owns the points, the exact points. YES, this is from a 'HE'. now i'm start wondering what my male friends (nanti cakap boyfriends perasan pulak -.-) had on their minds, about hijab itself and of course those various kinds of hijab and shawls that hit the market these days which happened to become girls' favourite? well, i'm definitely not excluded.

they are undeniably addictive and something to be shown-off.

grabbed this from google

well, at least, i've read the post. sarcastic to be honest but we can change. we can still turn things around; well of course to the right path, to His only path.

"you say we're on the brink of destruction and you're right. but it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. only at the precipice do we evolve. this is our moment. don't take it from us, we are close to an answer."
- taken from 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' movie

just don't grab the moment and be so negative about some mistakes. mistakes? i supposed to. this 'HE' assumed all of the hijab-wearing-girls knew the exact definition of aurat and expecting every single stylo-hijab-wearing-girls-who-upload-500kb-into-their-blog to be offended and listen to his teachings, no, they're more likely to be 'advices'. i'm not mad, neither angry nor offended. i'm just shocked, to see the comments. now, let's just agree with john gray...

btw, i've read this. literally explains both genders' emotional needs anddd, COMMUNICATION STYLE.

see? women like to demonstrate their feelings by being allowed to relate problems without interference. but when men communicate, they like to get to the point, and generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point; women enjoy talking for its own sake, and are happy to listen unconditionally. but how can Adam and Hawa get along? by love and respect. it's good to have our own opinions as long as we respect each other. let's just start with respect, then we'll bring the love.

now, maybe the point is; some women are not happy to hear those sarcastic words from this 'HE'. are you happy making people upset? no. and are you upset when people happy? no. so, let's call it a day. i'm really tired when it comes to adam and hawa. i just ask for your tolerance and compassion. i know this is hard to read especially when you're that hijab-wearing-girl kan? no worries, whether it's destructive or constructive, it's our choice to mind it or not.

but frankly, this 'HE' woke me up. thanks for reminding and it's fine with me. recall recall my tenth new year's resolution; keep on motivating myself. i can always improve, kan? ;)

insyaAllah, i'll continue to study Islam, hijab and life’s workings. i am a naturally dynamic being. we are dynamic beings. so, there's no one to blame, really. Allah's always watching me, and the rest of us :)

salam :D

GiveAway EdY : Awak Busuk!

2011-01-05T10:53:00.010+08:00

saban hari, kita diselubungi makhluk-makhluk halus yang lagi halus dan ghaib. kita takut, kita kaku, kita kelu; kendatipun adakala kita jijik pabila melihatnya. namun, janjiku padamu hanya untuk menjagamu; di bangun dan tidur mu.

mari ke sini, hilangkan rasa itu. usah mencurahkan sabun dan air hanya ke dada mu. kerana cecair semerbak ini mampu menawan segala makhluk terkutuk itu - BAKTERIA!!

mahukan kewangian berpanjangan yang semerbak bak miniatur atau dalam bahasa inggerisnya; MINIATURE?? usah gundah gulana andai kamu adam atau hawa, kamu berhak menikmatinyaa!

SERTAI KAMI : GiveAway EdY : Awak Busuk! <--kilk sini
SILA GUNAKAN SEBELUM : 11.59am pada 12/1/2011

AWAK BUSUK, SAYA PON BUSUK! >.<
BERSAMA HAPUSKAN MAKHLUK HALUS DENGAN PARFUM MINIATUR :D

insan bertuah yang di-tag:
♥ ANDY NUREHAN ADIBAH IBRAHIM
♥ JERRY J WEN

how i wish i'm still going to school -.-

2011-01-03T22:47:00.012+08:00

so today's stuff went well, the birds were chirping like usual, as well as the dog next door, went berserk (like usual) for no reasons, neighbours were still doing their own things and ignored others' but i am way too far from the usual. after subuh, i decided to sleep back as my head went dizzy and all i had to do is to sleep back. (redundancy:sleep back)

soooo, here's the thing. 3 hours later; i woke up. it was 8, checked up my fb and got downstairs. mumy and abah were going somewhere and surprisingly, unlike usual; my big bro dressed up himself way too early (well, earlier than he used to be); and apparently, they were all leaving the house. well, i did ask why and what but nahh, my head was too dizzy to digest all the details. so, i don't know why (until now). -.-

soooo, i went to the kitchen and be prepared to consume anything's prepared as breakfast. (redundancy:prepared) well well well, delicious nasi goreng with colourful texture that will definitely kills anyone's hunger to just TASTE IT was there, i mean;on the dining table, just there...right in front of MY OWN NAKED EYES!! CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE??!! -.- and i just couldn't stop staring but those interneurones of mine kept transmitting signals to my brain; "just take a plate and EAT IT!!"

but i've been gooooood; i've never thought of finishing all by myself, right? ;) (hehe) sooo, i called my sister :)
(kind-hearted me, kan kan kan? ;) )

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

come'on, why don't you just get down here and EAT??!! heloooo??? that diet excuse won't work anymore!! you're NOT FAT!!! now come down and EAT!!

-.-

grrrr, you're skinny laa kim, you want to get any skinnier??!! -.-

-_______________________-

as the black crow passed by with some loud crow sound;cawing?
i dont know laa -.-

plus, the crickets' singing..wait..during daytime??

-_______________-

am i dreaming like they did in Inception??

-_____________-

real me : "no i'm not."

dreaming me : "can i have my own totem to test if this is real or not??!!"

real me : -_______________-''

dreaming me : "WHAT??!!!" (sounds so serious like kononnya kena offer belakon dgn leonardo d caprio dlm inception -.-)

real me : "do you know how you get here?? How you're actually here??? where were you just now?? how come you're here??!!" (like my bricks of house is going to crack into pieces or something and all the subconscious of leonardo d caprio is staring at me)

dreaming me : -___________________-

real me : "YOU'RE NOT DREAMING, YIN"

dreaming me : "so where is MY SISTER??!!!"

real me : "SHE WENT TO SCHOOL laaa..double idi*t"

dreaming me : -___________________-

real me + dreaming me : "ya kann, today's school day -.-. then, what for wait? EAT LAAA.. -.-"

soooo, yeah, I ATE. -.-

moral of the story; stop daydreaming -.-
to make sure you're dreaming or not, search for totem

-___________-

-.-

p/s: you'll only understand the story if you've watched Inception, if you haven't, don't read this, you've wasted your precious, golden, silver, ruby, amethyst, diamond time. hehe, but do watch the movie 'cause this movie was like; the best 2010 movie i've ever seen!! :D

YOU REALLY HAVE TO WATCH IT. IT'S AWESOMEEEEE! O.O

and yeah, how i wished i'm still schooling today. this definitely wouldn't happen, kan? haha, but i did spend my time on something useful, likeeee; COOKING FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY, all by myself! teeheeeeee :D

bon appetit! :)

fried sliced fish with three different yet perfectly combined flavours :D
in BM; we call it - ikan tiga rasa -.-
(not interesting kan? ignore ignore -.-)

well, western people serve western lamb chop.
but tawau people serve TAWAU PAYAU CHOP. HEHE, go tawauu!! :D

the healthiest vegetable on earth yet is disliked by most of the children because of its colour texture and taste?? mustard green?
HEHE, give this to your children and they'll like it RIGHT AWAY!
TEEHEEEE :D

and there! the dinner's READY!! tadaaaaa! now, bon appetit people!

till next time. salam :D

1.1.11

2011-01-01T23:54:00.008+08:00

everything just went and happened so fast, all of them are still very clear in my mind. like how i started my form 5, my birthday, the struggles, the friends, the-nearly-break-up-friend, the day i stepped into new room meeting new roomates, the loud singing in dorm and the other dorm, as well as the bilik study and etc lahh! heee :D

and especially how i've become so matured after my failure (well, just recently). nahh, no worries, i'm moving on, btw, congratulations to those who succeed! :D

even though it all went by so fast but last year was a roller coaster ride! i really wish it wouldn't end. :(

last year, i've achieved most of the things i wanted. i stayed in track & field, been beating myself up just to loose some weight (and apparently i lost 3kg, but it turned back to 45 since it was just water lost -.-). i've been a good girl, most of the time ;p and most of all, i did travel a LOT :D

i've grown up and have been using my brain a little bit more. i've stayed to who I am instead of caring about what others have to say. i met best friend, good friends, true friends; true love? haha, nah, not yet. gahh, i've been up, i've been down and i've been somewhere in between. (?)

okay, anywho; these are my new year's resolutions people :)

1. get closer to Allah. insyaAllah :)

2. no more self-destructing-diet. hehe, beat myself up though, keep on exercising (tennis drilling. HAHA)

3. work hard. earn money, SAVE MONEY. for abah and mumy and beli camera BARU :)

4. go to PERLIS (since this is the only ceruk i haven't reached. hihi)

5. widen my knowledge, just about everything.

6. always be prepared for any tests or exams. to be short, stop being the last minute person. 'cause you'll die. owh, YOU WILL DIE -.-

7. improve my cooking skill. master japanese, korean and JAVANESE cuisine. YUM YUM

8. DO NOT skip meals. any meal, especially BREAKFAST.

9. be a good good girl. listen to parents, no more prissy princess of me -.-

10. last but not least, keep on motivating myself. i can always improve, kan?

oooh, did i mention that i finished high school?! *can i get a woooot???!* hehe ;)

well, 2010 was my senior year at mrsm tawau. After 3 bloody years of being a junior in st patrick then another 1 frigging year in mrsm tawau as form 4 student, i finally became a senior. life was pretty hectic but i wouldn't have it any other way. i mean, i juggled everything; from my studies, my student council duties, assembling and leading the exco kesenian & kebudayaan, my math society, emcee for school regular occassions, my crazy extra class schedules, random girls'(& guys' + juniors') dramas and of course embracing change. i did have some family & friends time in between all of that. thanks, thanks a lot :)

wowww, i have quite a list there. oh myy, i did all of that in one year. haha, i feel soo old. i'll recap some other time.

oh, and for those who're going to serve for the country tomorrow (PLKN), or whenever the time laa, hihi, good luck guys! and sorry for the no-picture-post, i'm really not in the mood. i don't know, due to the early month, or maybe some things that happened last month, or, i suppose, last year. i don't know, just not in the mood and i promise, i'll be back with a smile. i'll be fine of course, it just takes some time. once again, thanks blog for hearing this little tiny voice.

happy new year. may Allah bless all of us and may 2011 become a better year than ever. hope so, amin :)

99.99% of songs these days, guess what they're all about?

2010-12-25T01:26:00.036+08:00

老实说，现在的生活很好。有一堆好朋友、有一对很好笑的父母、家里还有小姐姐和表妹陪我乱哈拉。其实很满足了。有网友问我，为什么不找男朋友，因为我觉得不需要，不想坏了现在的心情。因为可能就因为男朋友，我会牺牲一些东西。

答案，重要吗？应该说，还重要吗？

或许我将来有一天会后悔，为什么当初不弄清楚一切。也或许有一天，我真的很想知道那一切。可是，对现在的我来说，我清楚我要什么，所以要知足。

the above chinese words are taken from a friend of mine. please, please and please visit her blog if you know mandarin; her blog shows maturity - 灯火阑珊处. she used to be my best friend and yeah, will forever be :D

joey, suk yee, ng san san, and her; tsen mung khie - we're besties since form 1 and that was when we were all respected (haha) by the juniors since we were the prefects as well as the captain juniors. haha, good times yet our zaman kezaliman. (we're so abusive, mind you ;p) but then, we had a huge fight, a really huge one, and soon we took our own path. everyone was happy to see us splitting up but we never felt right about it and eventually, we reverted to our own selves, the most '38' prefects gang ever and again becoming BFF like the so-called-war had never happened. haha.

well, i was interested in the above mandarin words that i've copied and pasted. it literally means this way;

to be frank, what i have now is more than enough. i've a bunch of friends, a pair of funny parents, cousins who've been accompanying me. i'm truly satisfied. but there're some online buddies, who asked me this question; why don't you have your own boyfriend? it's because, i think i don't have to, probably didn't wish to spoil my mood and hurt my feelings. because, only because of boyfriend, i would probably or perhaps lose some other things.

the question is; is it that important? no, it's supposed to be; is it still important right now?

or perhaps i'll regret someday; why didn't make things clear that very moment? or maybe someday, i would really want those lovey-dovey things. however, to who i am now, i am clear with what i want, what i need, therefore i should know how to be grateful.

sorry for the ulala english, direct translation kan, sounds funny. (hey, it took me a long time to find the similar words in english -.-) and yes, this post is about love. and i agreed with the fact that 99.9999% of the songs nowadays are about love, kan? :)

LOVE. what does Islam say about falling in love? is that allowed in Islam? if it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah? i remember, my ustazah's precious words; love is neither halal nor haram (how i long usrah so much right now) because it is a feeling. maybe it is not under control. you can judge what is under control, but people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.

"marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection."

as for me, i agreed with tsen mung khie (the person who wrote the chinese words). to be honest i did explore these things, been doing research on it (since i have not much thing to do at home,hehehe). i couldn't say that 'i don't need these things', 'i'm not interested of these things la of course..' or 'these things had never ever come across my mind' and so forth that makes good impressions of yours towards me. i did mistakes and of course someday, somehow, i will make the other mistakes. please, correct me :)

i've had enough with these things, ever since i met some people, some views, just everything about Islam. they taught me how beautiful Islam is, trying to push me closer and closer to my only Creator with their full effort. alhamdulillah i met them (yes, i realise i'm missing them now). they embraced me with the values of Islam. (though it only took our very two years to be together) i just miss everything and i hope we'll soon meet again. ukhwah fillah kan! :D

and bear in mind that this is just my view; warn you! you come with your own accord, and i suppose you read this with your own accord too. seriously this is just my view, no offence. :)

for the time being, you guys can refer to any ustaz or ustazah or even friends as long as it's not opposing the aqidah. believe in yourself that you can always improve yourself, regardless the critics and views from others. you can do it. like NIKE always do, just do it!

my roomates, tapi nda lengkap laa.
from left; ziqa, fera, iswari and me :)

this shot was taken when our ayahanda was about to move back to kelantan. it's a great lost to mrsm tawau, really. i miss him a lot. he always share the beauty of Islam and science. i have to admit he is a really great math and physics tutor yet a really, really caring principal :D

ametis; my homeroom. miss them so much.
they called me 'kaka' but for the guys, they prefer to call me 'sis'
(since i'm the eldest in homeroom. duh! kantoi berumur! ;p)

put aside the ageing matters, we look cute together right? see, i told you we're the cutest homeroome of all. teehee *perasantan ;p
(well, if you do agree, don't hesitate to click on the 'LIKE' below *scroll down ;p)

hah! rindu nyaa makan pizza! by the way, i planned to work at pizza hut, but the manager fussed a lot so i'm planning to try nasib at kfc this monday. wish me luck! :)

we took this group photo right after we successfully finished our programme, Festival Budaya. i received positive feedbacks from teachers and all regarding to this programme. but yeah, without them, i'll never get such compliments. thanks, you guys;
Badan Wakil Pelajar, Lembaga Disiplin Pelajar and my exco kesenian and kebudayaan AJKs :)

drama crews. haha, we were crazy, no we are crazy and will forever be. afzal, alex, nazrin japiril, niza, fera, iswari, ella, intan, fatcat, ray, fikri, arinna, mat nor and aizat! not to forget kak jane, abg eriq, abg hafiz and sir ismail who helped us a LOT. we argued so many times but we eventually found ourselves and mistakes and we won the first runner up for east zone MRSM's dramafest! and surprisingly, (with no hujan and ribut) i was awarded as the best actress! jeng jeng jeng! it goes this way; jeng jeng jengggg, the best actress goes tooooooo; NABILA AZUREEN AZIS as Suri from the drama Immortality!!(heheeee, nda sangka, maybe my sobs went well that time or maybe the judges cried? lol)

and since then, i was called SURI. -.- thank God it didn't turn out to become my new nickname (like some people did,hehe ;p) last but not least, i would like to present you, the coolest class ever; with the title, 'kelas paling sunyi and seram; 5 SAINTIFIK!! (burung gagak lalu dengan suasana yang sepi and sunyi -.-)

cool right? haha *perasantan sekali lagi

inilah jejaka-jejaka yang x seberapa diidamkan honestly (joke ;p). they're pretty cool outside but once you've heard them burst into laughters, you probably would decide to stay away from them. seriously, they can laugh and CLAP HANDS (give applause laa) so LOUDLY for no occassions (didnt quite sure it was for fun or annoying people) and it may cause harm to your eardrum. thank God, none of us turn into deaf.

in my class, some said i'm reserved. well, not really, we get along by the end of the year since we just get together on April, you know like streaming class...'cause before this i was in 5 Kreatif and our teachers made some research and all and we were streamed according to our results.

yeah, back to the 'reserved' thingy, yeah, some of them did really think i am reserved. but nahhh, we're getting closer each month and yeah, i think they're the best classmates ever! i'll post another entry about my class next time, insyaALLAH.

so here we are, the girls (sumandak sumandak) with our beloved add math teacher, sir ridhuan.

hah! another long post i guess. i miss MRSM TAWAU so so much. here's a conclusion. if you think you have it all, be grateful and appreciate them all. put aside the unnecessary things. if they can give you the love that i think is more than enough, why need boyfriend? hehehe, kan? next time la maybe; when i get married ;p *duh! nakal suda. baru habis spm. kehkehkeh ;p

watch this before you leave. subhanallah :)

p/s; took this from my big bro's blog. haha, jangan marah bro! hehe, till then, salam :D

i'm sorry 'cause seriously this entry has no title -.-

2010-12-23T08:49:00.011+08:00

holidays just kicked in, well, it's obvious for an SPM candidate like me. it's been mild so far, obviously i have no plans to go anywhere, well for the time being, except being stuck here, in sandakan.

last past few weeks (last month to be exact) had been rough for me i must say. spm and all, you just don't know how it feels if you've not experienced any of it. once i've done with the last paper; Bio paper 3 (on the 8th Disember), i felt so tired yet happy, didn't expect that tense smile could possibly etch on my face but still worrying of the upcoming results. i've learned a lot though; faith, patience, discipline, respect, and definitely relationship with the others, especially with friends, teachers, family and most of all Allah. they had been sticking with me, in good times; bad times. hah, thanks :)

the word in 'love' above is pronounced as 'AI', means, love :)

don't look at these, you'll be laughing at me -.-

but if interested, kindly click to enlarge

hah! it's been a while since i last had my manual blog - diary. now i have it again, so altogether, they're four. haha, good times. it's nice to see what i've written few years back. some were even 4-5 years ago and i'm still in awe. it tickles me deep inside to see how different i've become. the way i write, the way i speak to people and the way i even think, last but not least, the WRITINGS. (turning out to be worse these days). it's amazing really, even though only i have the ability to see the changes. i can see myself grow up. i really do. being matured is another part of the whole thing. in just two years, my maturity have been tested. trying to cope up with others' level of maturity is real HARD! you'll fall, fall into the unseen trap of childishness. trust me.

just when I'm recovering, something always happens to drag me down again. see? but, God won't test us with things we can't handle right? i'll be fine. of course :)

btw, i'm reading again. i have to admit to being a little confused – from the world of vampires in the Twilight Saga we now move to alien life forms invading earth...perhaps Stephenie had gone sci-fi, LOL.

whatever happened to her, she's an incredibly awesome author that i would definitely recommend any of her novels, and you will be hundred percent SATISFIED :) she posseses the ability to pull the reader into the story and allow them to feel like they are actually there with the characters, experiencing what they experience and feeling what they feel. she even paints a vivid picture of the characters and their lives in the mind of every reader who is fortunate enough to be touched by the worlds that she creates. it's like being in 3-d theater but better, its actually more like being in a 6-D theater, touching all of the human senses and emotion at once.

well yeah, this novel does stand up to the standards set by her preceding works. but despite of the creative story line and captivating emotions shown in The Host, i could not stop myself from finding many links between this novel and the Twilight series in regards to the characters, their emotions and their interconnected relationships, everything. Jared, from (The Host) could be very similar to Jacob (Twilight). both have a tendency to let their emotions get the best of them, both are somewhat selfish creatures in regards to the one that they love, and most of all they're extremely stubborn. Ian (The host) and Edward (Twilight) are the same way, comparatively, overly protective and somewhat irrational when it comes to the people that they love, both have the ability to love unconditionally despite the fact that both men love someone of a different species, and both men's brothers try to kill their partners and the greatest character similarity, however, exists between Wanderer/Melanie (The Host) and Bella (Twilight).

read this and you'll find stephanie is the best of all.

besides reading, i need a constant supply of games, just like my sugar supply, i need sufficient supply of ice cream, cakes, cupcakes, red M&Ms, dark/bitter chocolate. but i prefer it in a manual way, 'cause you'll be able to cheat (referring the answer sheets? ;p). haha, no one knows! if they did, why bother? ;p

yes, exactly, SUDOKU is the best of all! :D

papers, mags, templates etc, you'll find the same thing published just at the corner of the sudoku's grid ; sudoku puzzles are based on logic, you do not need to guess where numbers fit to solve the puzzles. fill in each grid so that every row, every column and every 3 times 3 box contains the number one to nine -.-

unlike the vampires, i won't show up at nights. foes, friends and family might be thinking i've had my beautiful dreams in bed, apparently, i slept even later than the owls did. lol. movies marathon, i prefer doing it all by myself. besides, marathon always goes for charity, right? yeah, i'm staying up late just to protect the whole neighbourhood from burglars...that is a charity. ;p

for the record, i had finished 3 korean drama series since the day i'm done with spm; Autumn in My Heart, Boys Over Flower and Master Of Study. looking forward to Kim Hyun Joong's drama series, Playful Kiss? hah, haven't decide to watch it online or just buy the disc. and HBO, MAX and STARMOVIES always have sufficient supply of movies for me, thanks. watched Pearl Habor like for three times. (i'm so in love with danny. hee ;p) and since my sister had a huge crush on daniel radcliffe plus the star movies channel is currently having their movies festive due to the coming christmas, i had to watch harry potter for like hundred times in every series; 'platform nine and three quarter? there's no such thing, is there?' or maybe 'wicked! you're harry potter! so, it's true then, harry potter had come to Hogwarts' (you need to pronounce these in bloody English, then you'll get the mood -.-)

speaking of BLOODY ENGLISH, i remembered 'Wild Child' movie. i've got to watch it all over again, well, it reminds me of boarding school's life :)

by the way, my sister (who's going to be the next ~~top model~~ spm candidate next year) introduced me their brand new form five novel - The Curse.

i wonder; will it be as good as The Pearl, the former novel. once i saw it, i think i liked it right away. i'm not really sure why but i think because of it’s size, number of pages and the COVER. hehe ;p

for the ignorant i am, i never heard of Lee Su Ann before. let alone about the novel being the second prizewinner in the English Novel Category of the Utusan Group’s Young Adult Literature Competition of 2005. but with such tag, i couldn’t help myself from putting high hopes as how good the story would be and though it didn’t exceed my expectation; at least it had met it. exactly, the story was good enough to make me glued to it; turning from page to page without wanting to stop.

bear in mind that this is just my personal point of view of the book; after i‘ve read it. The Curse in summary (trying not to spoil anything -.-) has the elements that i’d love to have in a novel as a whole: thrill and suspense, a bit of horror, a little of romance and a pinch of family drama. besides, it was a compensation for all that comes in the believable portrayal of the rural Malay village and its inhabitants. i think it is very much why i liked it as much as i did.

it was about jealousy, revenge, mulut tempayan and of course, forgiveness. i’m pretty sure that the story would be interesting enough for the juniors, including my sister; that is if they have the will to go through the moderately difficult language, and then they'll have to at least take a glimpse at the former novel, The Pearl (which requires a higher level of proficiency). but i found this novel interesting somehow as the plot a bit messy and difficult with flashbacks all over the story (some from different characters’ point of views). my advice, read this but don't forget to read The Pearl as well :)

besides indoor activities, i did involve into outdoor activities, like tossing the trash into the dustbin OUTSIDE my house, clean up the house compound and BBQ! reminiscing every stupid acts we did during the BBQ (didn't quite remember when) at Yatch Club, to all of a sudden; missing them, my st patricks's folks. they ARE crazy :D

our farewell group photo right after BBQ

well, guess it's way too long for now. till then everyone and good morning! i woke up early just to make this long entry. hihi, and btw, about my trip to Beluran yesterday, it was cool, somehow. it's my first time going there. get to know and to actually see a new place was exactly what i had in mind since holidays began. looking forward to meeting new places and friends. but i think i have to figure out how to get a sufficient budget first -.-

salam :D

when i get so emo -.-

2010-12-21T12:28:00.003+08:00

now it's time for slow songs. i miss love-dovey movies. HAHA. for real. -.-
*kenape, tak percayer? ;p

no more long writings, 'cause it's time for songs, but only from movies :)

Joshua Radin feat. Schuyler Fisk - Paperweight
OST Dear John

dislike this one? try this one;

Switchfoot - You
OST A Walk to Remember

Mandy Moore - Only Hope
OST A Walk to Remember

now, try listen to korean movie's soundtracks. i would choose these over k-pop, well, they're just pleasant to hear and now i'm starting to miss my roomates. remember when we watch this until the next morning? hah, good times. hihi ;p

Kim Yoo Kyung - Starlight Tears
OST Boys Over Flowers

Someday - Do You Know
OST Boys Over Flowers

and now, the one and only Korean drama that made my whole family shed buckets of tears. no kidding, i watch this every end of the year, just to clean up some dust in my eyes by crying. still, i'm watching it though it's the 5th time and i memorized the songs. teehee *bangga :)

Reason
OST Autumn In My Heart

Prayer
OST Autumn In My Heart

well, that's just me; movie maniac! love stories? why not! hihi, till then, i've got series of Master of Study to watch. salam! :D

will you marry yourself?

2010-12-16T10:10:00.010+08:00

it's exactly one week that i'm home. ignore the title, i'm home! tadaa! :)

okay, why am i into this topic so much - well, it's the hottest topic in maktab, i remember when my friends had been talking or joking about it like we're immune much about it, like 'eh, nanti kao kawin jgn lupa buat event di FB arh!', 'eleh, nanti reunion kahwin empat suda si XXX tu..kehkehkeh', 'ui, boleh sudah kita kawin ne! dialog selepas spm" etc ;p

even in usrah, i still remember, surau gets so noisy, everyone was like, excited much? until we barely realized that the speaker, ustaz or ustazah said 'segala yang baik itu datang daripada Allah dan yang buruk itu daripada anna, maka kita akhiri majlis dengan tasbih kaffarah dan surah al-'asr' ;)

ini tasbih kaffarah yaa sahabat :)

ini pula surah al-'asr yaa sahabat ^.^

so, just moments ago, i watched a kuliah online on the stated topic, by ustaz erfino. i realised my view on marriage needs change. when citations from the Quran is used, i trembled, because they're words from Allah. Astaghfirullah. i know my mindset on marriage need to be changed.

he's a recording of the kuliah online. it's in Malay though, and it's about 2 hours long, but worth the time :)

why not spare some (of your fb-ing & blogging) time to listen to this? hope you find it helpful, as much as I did.

p/s; i took this from a friend of mine. this helped me a lot. thanks :)

paramecium or amoeba?

2010-11-14T19:21:00.005+08:00

sometimes my life makes me wish i am an amoeba. it has been hectic since last week. hectic but awesome. *grin*

i had these days of thinking why am i not getting important things done? a few days left for spm and it seems so hard for me to focus on one particular thing and finished it up before proceeding to the others.

urgh, i guess i'm pathetic at prioritizing and can't help but procrastinate. hocus-pocus-focus YIN! okayyyyy, i'm going to start all over again and there's no way to look back.

yin, this november will be just in a blink of an eye, end up this chapter and everything will be over. and high school? never ;)

if i'm in a movie and you are watching me now, press the slow mo button, purrrleasse? i really don't want to end this chapter, especially the moment we played, we sang, we laughed. why does it have to end this way? i wish i could turn back time and start over this high school life, over and over and over again and be forever YOUNG. teeheee, kidding ;p

well, insyaALLAH, i'll do my best for this coming spm. my japan interview will be after spm and for the recent SPC interview, just pray for me people. insyaALLAH.

so here we go, every picture really holds a wonderful story :)

my homeroom, ametis :)

classmates lunch. teehee :)

delicioso! bon appetit! :DD

p/s; thanks for the comment Baku, felt much relieved now. really, i should've taken advices from someone experienced like you at the first place. hihi :)

provoke

2010-11-10T09:29:00.002+08:00

get provoked. okay, take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breathe and FUHH! i've just finished my interview. unlike the others, it took HALF AN HOUR. seriously. i didn't expect it could be that long. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..i don't know.

please, anyone who concern, please give me support. is it normal to be more nervous after the interview? is it normal to have a really really long conversation with the interviewers? is it normal to get provoked over and over again???

whatever it is,
don't despair and never lose hope, 'cause Allah is always by your side :)

thanks abah, mummy, friends and teachers for the support. i've tried my best and that's all i can do.

a prep escape ;p

2010-10-20T20:14:00.005+08:00

current place; library.

okay, nothing much to rant about life. mock interview was finally over but they haven't get their post mortem yet. well, just a 'fuhhh'.

so tonight i'll do the near-impossible task of organizing + finishing my homeworkS. papers are scattered everywhere, terengganu's trial, melaka's trial, SBP's trial and so forth, i had it all. nose getting too itchy + back hurts. well, nevermind.

speaking about the interview, everything went just fine except for the fact that i had to wear my pseudopodia for HOURS (my 3-inches wedges). well, the best height increasing remedy i must say.

that was yesterday's stuff and today's stuff shocked me. ray JJ (4# guy) and i are chosen to be interviewed for MARA Student Exchange Programme, and you know what, IT WILL BE IN JAPAN!!!!! aishiteru!! :D

this one aint AFS, it is fully SPONSORED and the ultrafiltration aka interview will be held soon. wish me luck guys!

including for the 32-days left terrifying exams. amin :)
btw, i miss home; abah, mummy, kim and qayyum. :(

p/s; this sunday will be the most amazing night ever, my graduation night. wish me luck too guys! :DD

47 years of neglect (same as sosilawati's age ;p)

2010-09-16T17:22:00.009+08:00

a shot during konvensyen kepimpinan at mrsm merbok, kedah :)

i was delighted to read an article, 'Time to Address 47 Years of Neglect'. the author did not mince his words or has stuck to the facts.

"It will take more than just granting holidays or constant reassurances of goodwill. Sabah and Sarawak deserve their share of the nation’s wealth and attention. Furthermore, the respective points of the two agreement have to be adhered to."
- Karim Raslan

we are blessed. variety and diversity of ourselves had made us as one, one malaysia. the issue of 16 september had been debated though the fact malaysia was formed on this particular date cannot be disputed.

i was once confused by the proclamation; 'happy birthday, Malaysia' on 31st of August, deluged too with 'happy 53rd birthday, Malaysia' in conjunction with merdeka day this year. i learnt sejarah, indeed, malaysia was about to be formed on 31st of august 1963, but due to the incomplete report that had to be done on time, it was delayed and this leads to the existence of 16th of september 1963, the exact Malaysia Day. malaysia was not formed on the 31st of august, nor is malaysia 53 years old this year.

i'm not attempting to reduce the significance of 31st of august 1957, nor the others, particularly sabahans. it's a historic day and for this matter, it is purely a peninsular phenomenon. insisting on 31st of august as 'national day' and 16th of september as 'malaysia day' doesn't make sense.

well, whatever it may happen, or had happened, it shouldn't be another issue. as a pure sabahan, i'm grateful that government, especially our prime minister for proclaiming Malaysia Day should be celebrated today. his fight against extremism is a good idea. (but i'm not into politic so much, mind you).

niza, me, ang hian ning & jagatheesh

why don't we live like fish and green turtle? one gets meal and the other gets a clean shell (mutualism; a positive reciprocal relationship between two species). like us, their survival is dependent on collaboration.

let's be inspired to make progress with less of 'me' and more of 'we'. this malaysia day, may the spirit of cooperation unite our hearts as we continue to progress as one.

me, jooey & wong suk yee :)
Selamat Hari Malaysia, everyone :)

tennis?

2010-09-13T00:17:00.008+08:00

in the midst of eid, we planned to have a slightly different meeting, tennis court meeting. well, to be honest, this is the first time i played tennis, so yeah, here's the story goes.

this is what happened when i tried to treat the tennis ball like a shuttle cock. lol.

and this is when my 'good' friends trying to rescue my tennis ball.

and finally, it landed safely :D

eleena dementieva and the gang. lol.

we played in Fuji Park tennis court, by the way :)

the innocent look after noticing his adidas bottle worthed RM25 was broken.
(jagatheesh, my driver ;p)

billie (left) who's always busy on the line, *banyak girlfriend* ;p

joey, the most '38' girl i've ever met. lol.

after our 1 hour and a half attempt of getting fit, we ended up hanging out in nostalgia. gaining weight, again -.-'

an image of the old cinema in tawau :)

me, joey and yvonne (the barbie doll girl ;p)

our extremely huge apple juice.
we, (3 persons all together) finished it after 2 hours. -.-

me and jag. (mind you, he's not available and he's not mine)

'N' stands for NABILA. ;p

happy looks after eating. :D (this is normal)

well, simple yet meaningful. really hope to hang out with you guys again, some other day maybe? and thanks for the double treat (tennis + food). sweet reminisce, especially on the picking-balls-and-balls-went-missing-at-the-end thing :D

and i had this daughter-and-mom conversation just now. well, it's about girls' stuff. discussion went serious at first and everything goes fine afterwards. i felt a little bit awkward, well, discussing about something serious with my mom, really serious, i mean it. it ended when our rendang for tomorrow got cooked. overall, thanks mommy, that conversation just now, was fun. it's been a while since i last talked to you for that long :)

goodnight and happy eid. can't wait for MRSM's raya tour tomorrow. sleep early guys! salam :D

let pictures talk.

2010-09-10T20:42:00.007+08:00

it's yin, not rin :p

2010-09-09T23:43:00.005+08:00

now, let's see, everyone might probably busy on the line, chatting with their love ones, or maybe in the kitchen cooking rendang, or sitting outdoor just to wait for the lemang to get cooked, or worse; staring at the wardrobe figuring out what to wear tomorrow. hey, it's eid. salam aidilfitri, everyone :)

i am in the other hand. i'd be rather sleeping early just to avoid my puffy and baggy eyes become worse tomorrow. gahh, everything's done, my rendang, house chores, invitations, perfect. so before naturally recurring altered state of consciousness with relatively suspended sensory activity (sleeping), i would like to fulfill a friend's request since he already kept his part of the deal, well, perfectly i must say ;P

my life is like an arrangement, everything was partially drafted and still, is planned. i am living my mom's dream, well, many people would say;'since i was young' but i would rather say 'since i was a foetus'. (this is serious, mind you :p)

along my mother's pregnancy, my mother was offered comprehensive care from a doctor, a Burmese. she took care of everything. my mom was a nurse too that time, so they're bound to meet each other so frequently. she loved to ask about my mom's health including ME (which is still living in the womb :D). she was married to a doctor too and had a wonderful marriage. that happy couple soon tried to have a baby a few years back then but unfortunatly, they failed. their marriage came to an end.

no one knows how it feels to live alone. she had to travel so far just to continue her life, literally escaped from the nightmares she had in Burma. right after i was born, her wounds healed so much faster, it's like her huge amount of fibrinogen was converted into fibrin in no time and seal all the wounds.

i was named after the combination of sultan perak's daughter's name, azureen and the beautiful meaning of the name nabila, which means clever by my abah. (thanks abah :D) soon after, i was given a second name by my mom; yin, which means silver in chinese. that was the burmese doctor's name. once again, i was named after a person, and she's a doctor. she was a tough woman, determined and caring. she even treated me like her own baby but then she moved back to Burma and i didn't even have a chance to have a real sight of her.

this name probably a rememberance of Dr Yin or maybe a reminder in assembling the reality for my custodians to see me becoming a successful doctor. well, they just want to procure a fluorish future of mine after being shot down by my big bro for choosing engineering instead of medicine. but no worries, i love blood and starting to love biology. thanks mummy and abah :)

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN, HALAL KAN MAKAN MINUM
SINGGAH GAK RUMAH KALAU BERKESEMPATAN LAGI :)

is seventeen old enough?

2010-09-07T05:59:00.006+08:00

i'm wide awake, it's morning. i'm singing like a canary despite being in a bedwarming mood. insomniac thing, crazy, but seriously i can't sleep. i didn't expect this sleep deprivation thing gets worse.

i had this thought which repeatedly crosses my mind; don't surpass my capacity for responsibility. over the years, this capacity has grown, but the results of exceeding it haven't changed.

my capacity is exceeded gradually, through the accumulation of simple, spm's preparation + daily tasks.

but a few times a year, i spontaneously decide that i'm ready to be a real, matured teen. i don't know why i decide this; it always ends terribly for me. but i'll do it anyway. i sit myself down and tell myself how am i going to start knowing people in a wider range in a real world (exception of facebook,myspace etc social net), how am i suppose to adapt in another real world after this, how am i going to overcome problems without fuzzy duvet after this.

my schedules are drafted. but what will be next? day-planners are all purchased. i'll be stocking up on fancy food 'cause i'm planning on morphing into a master chef and actually cooking instead of just eating in dewan selera like i used to. i'll get prepared for my new life as a maturer teen like some people prepare for their marriage. haha.

the first day or two of my plans usually goes, just fine.

for a little while, i actually feel grown-up and responsible. i strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says "i understand. i'm responsible now too. just look at my groceries." haha.

at some point, i start feeling self-congratulatory :)

this is a mistake.

i begin to feel like i've accomplished my goals. it's like i think that adulthood is something that can be earned like a trophy in one monumental burst of effort and then admired and coveted for the rest of one's life.

what usually ends up happening is that i completely wear myself out. thinking that i've earned my effort, i give myself permission to slack off for a while and recover. since i've exceeded my capacity for responsibility in such a dramatic fashion, i end up needing to take more recovery time than usual, like studying at the eleventh hour again. this is when the guilt-spiral starts.

that little over-confident was a procrastination.

at some point in this endlessly spiraling disaster, i am forced to throw all of my energy into trying to be excelled again, just to dig myself out of the pit i've fallen into. the problem is that i enter this round of attempted not-to-study-so-much already burnt out from the last round. everything just didn't work.

it always ends the same way; starts everything all over and again, like reading Biology from the first chapter a night before exam. slumped and haggard, i contemplate the seemingly endless tasks ahead of me.

i miss sm st patrick

i'll miss mrsm tawau

SELAMAT BERPUASA, PEOPLE :)

desperate.

2010-09-06T13:51:00.010+08:00

everybody says they're home. so yeah, me too, i'm home. great. guess what? this awful phrase had been repeating since my 'enrollment' into boarding school, or should i say; that creepy freaky namby-pamby prison? nahh, its fasting month, so no ghosts.

first of all, i hate my blog's template. it's pink and most of all, it doesn't really sounds, or look like me. okay, no one will actually understand me, neither will i. and second, it doesn't display the exact date of my entries, how could i recall everything? i'm an absent-minded for-any-concerns'-information. so now, my life leaves no more mercy, goodbye old template and say hello to the new one :D *well though i havent find any suits for the time being*

secondly, *did i mention 'second' just now? i've just finished my damn-hard+difficcult+brainstorming-easy+lazy=bunchofpaperswhichidontknowthepurposeoftheirexistence. i hate exams 'cause it brings no life. since the last three weeks, my roomates and even my juniors said the same thingto me; 'you're lifeless'. i disagreed, i'm halflived. *another influence from physics paper. overall, i think i screwed the papers. HAHA, i hate exams. -.-

thirdly, i hate my big bro. owning such sophisticated gadget aka iPod touch but indulging into truancy for not attending class for like 3 days is a NO-BIG-FAIR to an innocent sister like me. gahhhh, my mom bought him iPod touch from UK which i've been craving for lke the rest of my life? HAHA, very funny. still, i want that thing. -.-'

fourthly, i am out of money. my pocket money aka allowance had been officially cut off due to some economic overboard usage of money. okay, i spent too much money for the last three months, Pendang, Merbok and some miscellaneous personal spending of mine, hey, it's unavoidable. plus, i've been spending on online shawls, they're adorable! teehee :) well, i have some savings though. 'save for the rainy days', haha, this idiom works :)

lastly, just want to say thanks bloggie for being the only devoted companian along my desparate way. i love you :D

prison.

2010-07-18T12:02:00.009+08:00

prison is just like boring namby-pamby boarding school.

FORM 5 FIRST SEM 2010

Bahasa Melayu - 85 (A)
Bahasa Inggeris - 84 (A)
Sejarah - 90 (A+)
Pen Ag Islam - 88 (B+)
Modern Math - 95 (A+)
Additional Math - 80 (A)
Biology - 80 (A)
Physics - 82 (A)
Chemistry - 91 (A+)

GPM - 0.6667 (rank 1)
PNG - 3.96 (rank 3)

alhamdulillah :)

i'm home.

2010-07-16T23:37:00.003+08:00

sometimes, you just need to fall in love with girls. they're much better than those guys.

get me out of this comfort zone, please?

2010-06-15T01:42:00.005+08:00

successful people are always intriguing. simply because they've achieved such astronomical success that people turn around just because their names are mentioned. stashed those cash aside, i am interested to find out why and how they did, what they did, when they did and most of all, was there any avadacadabra that one can exactly use so that he or she can just simply cut through the most windy road to the top?

as far as i can recall, each time when i watched the tv, heard on the radio, or interviewed these people, i mean, successful people, "what's your secret of success?" The answer are always the same. "there's really no secret. just want to thank my dad, my mom my wonderful stuff blah blah blahh..."

it's kinda disheartening when your particular idol, or someone you've been admiring for some time gave you such an answer, isn't it?

well, at least, try to use these words, 'hard work, knowledge, read a lot, support and so forth". it relieved somehow. but, after making such a-long-wasting-time-somehow-experimenting, one final ingredient that they sometimes omit to mention is; themselves.

i've seen some of my friends, particularly those who excelled, *names are not mentioned*, especially when i stepped into boarding school, i could really have a real sight on their determination, perseverance. they just made it and just dont ask them how. 'cause they dared to step out of their comfort zone and fight an extremely difficult, tedious, exhausting, and probably some depressing battle against the rest of the world.

yes, i am truly impressed of them.

speaking of comfort zone, it's just a few months away from spm. if only some superhuman could rescue me, pull me away from this large, comfortable, fuzzy duvet that i've been hiding under since the first day of the first term break when i just cant peel my eyelids open.

somehow, i miss sleeping in the bilik study :)

a picture is worth a thousand words

2010-06-10T11:00:00.009+08:00

confession-of-the-day: my blog is undeniably lack of pictures.

i hate it when it comes to picture. it gives me no image. really! look, how can one survive without camera for the whole of her life?! ME! how can one actually learn to take pictures without having her own camera?! ME! and how can one really enjoy her life without having camera?! yes, it's me -.-

i'm sick of people asking me; 'hey, why dont you add some pictures on your posts. it will be great!', 'heyy, i love your posts but can you put some image on it 'cause i cant imagine what are you saying', 'heyy, your FB's profile pic's cool, but dont you have a new one?' and so forth. excuse me? i dont really give a ~~damn~~ on it 'cause you know what, my-camera-that-worth-****-went-missing-and-its-awful-enough-to-know-that-it-was-actually-got-stolen-by-some-~~shitty~~-humiliating-human-that-worths-no-penny. so fine, i'm pathetically hating cameras. *but didnt i suppose to hate that thief more than cameras?* yeah, somehow, i hate you too, lil-brat-stupido-thief.

just for anyone's info, pictures no more till i own one. again. someday, somehow.

p/s; yeah, btw, my mom bought me a new phone. i dont have a pic on it. yes i dont 'cause i dont have camera to take an image of it. fine enough? GREAT.

do visit this blog, i love his pictures. it speaks somehow :)
http://kembarnakal.blogspot.com/
*yeah, btw, you have twins?*

11.04.2010

2010-06-10T11:00:00.008+08:00

FESTIVAL BUDAYA
by exco kesenian dan kebudayaan 09/10 ;p

held on april. alhamdullilah everything works. the second event that i've organised after musical drama for new students, yeah for this year. everything was so magnificent, the beauty of the culture revealed, brought every of the MRSM Tawau's student into an insight of our ancients and cultures. this is for my dad and ayahanda (ex-principal of MRSM Tawau)

my event. my rules. our effort.
THANKS TO BADAN WAKIL PELAJAR + LEMBAGA DISIPLIN PELAJAR MRSM TAWAU
FOR MAKING IT SO ALIVE !

me at the center, emcee for that night :)

mohd syazani jupri and me :)

the grand opening :DD

VVIPs are invited to dance together :)

zapin - the last performance

the invitation card :)

and special thanks to
MY DAD FOR GIVING SUCH NUMBERLESS SUPPORT
this is all for you dad :)

i think he's sick of me. haha.

2010-05-30T10:21:00.003+08:00

when dreams come true, i'll dream for more.
hahahaha *evil laugh*
THANK YOU BIG BRO, I LOVE YOU :)
and i'll ask for more

confession of a jealous sister. LOL

2010-04-03T19:18:00.007+08:00

Warning: The following post may seem to be a racial slur but keep in mind the writer is a malay, therefore there is no racial bs in this. Furthermore, the writer would like to apologize on any damage inflicted by the following. Everyone is entitled for their opinion and the writer has hers. Freedom of speech is practiced in Malaysia. Viewer discretion is advised :)

perhaps this picture surprised much any of devoted readers of mine, but for God's sake, that's really my picture with my brother (me left, my bro right).

i've just finished reading my bro's blog and it fascinates me.

http://awakeningthelife.blogspot.com/
the way he wrote, the way he expressed himself, he looked so matured than what i've expected. it's been a while since i last saw him. he played with me, fooled around and even warned me about fatness and fitness, even though it sounds like jokes.

i know how horrible his life was before this miracle happened. well of course, his miracles start with perseverances. yes, he's undeniably a determined big brother.

his latest post reminded me on his 'dark ages'. i dont know why some people are having issues with him changing. environmental changes did made him a better person, feel better, look better and most of all, he is so ALIVE.

but i just dont understand why they're soo negative about it, especially his Malays friends from SM St Patrick. some even said he took drugs to be that skinny. WTH? such a moron. pity them for having such a tiny-lil-brat-thinking.
KESIAN..

YOU JUST DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO BE FAT FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE

so people, mirror is proven to be the most efficient thing to transform yourself. it's okay to keep on looking into the mirror 'cause you can strengthen you math skill by counting on the acnes or black pores on your face. so, try it! :)

p/s: my brother often looks into the mirror even when he's already skinny. LOL.

BTW, I MISS MY MISERABLE BIG BROTHER xD

21.3.2010

2010-03-21T11:40:00.002+08:00

GOODBYE PEOPLE

kamek sayang Kuching :)

2010-03-21T10:41:00.006+08:00

BWP's trip to Kuching on February. had a lot fun. see more on our BWP's blog :)

UNIMAS (Fakulti Perubatan)

me and andy + urine on my hand. lol

UMS

Angela Mutie and me - Exco Kesenian & Kebudayaan :)

MRSM Kuching

ayuh berzapin :)

Kampung Budaya - Rumah Org Ulu Sarawak

FUN.FUNNIER.FUNNIEST.LOL.

midnight review

2010-03-20T02:04:00.006+08:00

It's nice to live without books for one week, been thinking to study, well at least, open up books this hols, but nope, mission failed :)

Had just finished reading my novel, THE HOST by Stephenie Meyer, been waiting some time to finish it up and finally, i did.

when I first picked up this novel, i have to admit to being a little confused – from the world of vampires in the Twilight Saga we now move to alien life forms invading earth...perhaps Stephenie had gone sci-fi, LOL.

whatever happened to her, she's an incredibly awesome author that i would definitely recommend any of her novels, and you will hundred percent SATISFIED :) she posses the ability to pull the reader into the story and allow them to feel like they are actually there with the characters, experiencing what they experience and feeling what they feel. she even paints a vivid picture of the characters and their lives in the mind of every reader who is fortunate enough to be touched by the worlds that she creates. it's like being in 3-d theater but better, its actually more like being in a 6-D theater, touching all of the human senses and emotion at once.

well yeah, this novel does stand up to the standards set by her preceding works. but despite of the creative story line and captivating emotions shown in The Host, i could not stop myself from finding many links between this novel and the Twilight series in regards to the characters, their emotions and their interconnected relationships, everything. Jared, from (The Host) could be very similar to Jacob (Twilight). both have a tendency to let their emotions get the best of them, both are somewhat selfish creatures in regards to the one that they love, and most of all they're extremely stubborn. Ian (The host) and Edward (Twilight) are the same way, comparatively, overly protective and somewhat irrational when it comes to the people that they love, both have the ability to love unconditionally despite the fact that both men love someone of a different species, and both men's brothers try to kill their partners and the greatest character similarity, however, exists between Wanderer/Melanie (The Host) and Bella (Twilight).

in both there are two different personalities existing in one body, each personality belonging to a different man that the characters love. like, there are two parts to Bella (Twilight) one in love Jacob (Twilight) and one in love with Edward (Twilight), but one love is stronger than the other. she describes the strain between the two as "tearing her apart." same thing goes to Wanderer/Melanie (The Host), but to a more extreme extent, which are described as two separate entities existing in one body "tearing them apart". Wanda(The Host), belonging to Ian (The Host); and (The Host), belonging to Jared (The Host).

in add math, its like,
BELLA = MELANIE + WANDA

Wanda (The Host) and Bella (Twilight) are both very self-sacrificing people who would go to the ends of the earth to prevent the ones that they love from hurting and would do anything in their power to make them happy. also, non-violent and even show compassion for enemies while Melanie (The Host) and Bella (Twilight) are both tough individuals possessing the ability to reason through stressful situations.

haha, and the funniest part is; there're aliens, love triangles, anger, envy, intrigue. what more could you want from a novel? she's a great author. i love you Stephenie :)

pacemaker didnt help me much though

2010-03-13T13:10:00.010+08:00

have you ever thought about what protects our hearts? just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. so it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess, and to stop the muscle that makes us confess. but once the pacemaker stops and imagine how one could barely breathe despite of all the protections? i have no idea.

some people say, first things come from our hearts; words, actions, deja vu even the sense of death. *been watching final destination lately, lol* but did those people ever received the impulses that tells pacemaker doesnt give any info nor data? do they actually sit on a study carrel and feel how beautiful form 5 biology text book is? have they ever turn to first chapter of biology form five to see the actual functions of heart??!!

i am a curse invented by no witch who've never ever indulged into Hogwarts to learn those magic stuff. i dont play stupid games like Quiditch 'cause i know brooms wont fly. i'm just a girl who would turn things around when i feel it's upside down. i'm a typical homosapien who knows heart is a red-love shape 'cause i know i'm not yet a surgeon to cut one's heart out from his body and investigate the real shape of heart.

i'm deadly dead in this hollow death. my antibodies are detecting the presence of antigens 'laziness' despite of all the randomness pathogens that would grab it away. desperately needing natural active immunity to cure this pain. i'm horribly terribly lazier than i used to be. the only remedy is to excrete these from my kidneys, then i'll be hundred percent fine. my body is dehydrating.

diarrhoea...please get out of my way!

maybe not.

2009-12-07T17:47:00.002+08:00

greetings charms, seems that i'm back on track to update this baby. i haven't put my butt off busy updating my blog yet, still searching for appropriate times since i'm so preoccupied with my schedules. i'm improving. well, at least.

miserable days i've went through put me in a deep down position, real deep. realizing the miles which are adding up and the days which are counting down didn't really work out if my decision is to remain this way. cut the jet black from my hair before we're bathed in the dawn. yeah, i'm fully grown. not really, 'cause i'm still figuring out to become a lil bit taller. please?

life taught us and thoughts twist words. infinity of life existed and exists since life is ever-changing. i've never put an end in my life, 'cause every end begins with a starting point. yes, i just received my result and it was...indescribable?

Bahasa Melayu - 90 [A]
Bahasa Inggeris - 84 [A]
Pendidikan Agama Islam - 87 [B+]
Sejarah - 85 [A]
Mathematics - 87 [A]
Additional Math - 83 [A]
Physics - 75 [A]
Chemistry - 74 [B+]
Biology - 74 [B+]
Pendidikan Jasmani dan kesihatan- 88 [A] :D
Pendidikan Sivik dan kewarganegaraan - 87 [A]

pointer ----> 3.86 -.-

PJK and PHYSICS relieve me but my pointer drops 0.01 and it's probably because of my laziness. well, IT IS. thank God i've noticed some dogs and cats went berserk over mates which have given me at least some wake up call while my neighbours are having their very World War which have at least inspired me to go to my room and not-to-busy-body but to study instead, my vacations are great enough but nothing would be greater if i spend my time sleeping at home and pay my abandoned sleeping debt instead. yes, i'm still down.

he's moving back to his home town next year. i have no right to stop him, yes but no, i dont. i've hurted him so much and the only thing i hope from him is his apology. maybe his friends or even my friends would say i'm cruel much but i'm really lucky to have such an understanding friend like him 'cause he's the only one who'd understand everything and i hope it is for real. i'll be definitely missing him, his memories, everything about him..

.........................................
sometimes, i would ask myself or maybe just a lil wish for myself to have the only thing i've been missing for all this while. i've been sooo demanding, asking for stupid things for my own good and finally i realized how selfish i was. but please, if this is the only demand or the last wish i would hope for, the only thing i would ask for is another chance.

if only i could ask for another chance and get things back to normal, everything will be fine, isn't it? if only i could ask for another chance to explain everything, everything will be better than this, isn't it? if only, i could ask for another chance to just see him a lil while, everything just won't vanish away just like this...

but no..the only thing to demand, or maybe just wish is a sincere apology. i'm sorry.

losing my mojo.

2009-12-06T01:50:00.005+08:00

"Bella, i couldnt live myself if i ever hurt you.
you dont know how it's tortured me.
the thought of you still, white, cold..."

new moon's movie is okay but i'm really not okay. new moon's book is better but i'll never feel any much better. Jacob is great but drinking milo with Jacob's biscuit would be greater. Edward is hot but Jacob is way much hotter. no matter what team will i choose, it doesn't really matter.

'cause honestly, i dont even give a damn about it.

i'm mourning.

2009-12-05T14:26:00.005+08:00

every single life will come to the end, it's just the matter of time

my grandma had just passed away. i'm recovering. too many things happened, and i know my friends are questioning. about my relationship status, i'm single and thats the end. i'm just not ready for any more commitment. please understand. and after this, i might not be the same anymore. life's been soo hard. i'm truly dissapointed of myself. and, if you're questioning why did i do 'this' to him, i have my own reason. i'm really down. please, i'm not ready and i really need some time.

i'm mourning and recovering.

moans and groans are thrown, mourn wont be forever. neither fame nor fortune, only prayers would be grown.
[al-fatihah]

Absurdities.

2009-11-20T13:39:00.006+08:00

i am now figuring out what to do next. it seems soooo restless out here. just managed to unpack my things, sort out my thousand kinds of reference books until i realized that i've been living like hell for these two months without HANDPHONE.

yes, i'm still alive. but till then i realize,
my damn precious SIMCARD went missing!
and now, i think i'm no longer alive.

i have no idea what to do now. i thought he would call me as soon as he came home, but that damnn fool simcard...arghhhhh...

school went sooo wrong, i'm feeling down. fortunately my physics turned an A1, at least it relieves me. but all i can say, add math was challenging this time. oh please, JUST KILL ME.

unfortunately, exam was not the only absurdity. my bunch of holiday plans cracked my mind out of my head. too many plans at a time, definitely another absurdity. and, i have to master 9 murdering subjects from A-Z. drown me or soak me in some sophisticated washing machine. anyone? huh, now this one absurd.

btw, i'm looking for some functional simple phone, and it must be NOKIA. any suggestion? ohh, but this abundantly absurd. no budget. no worries, hoping list, or maybe i should say, ABSURD HOPING LIST? stupid.

btw, latest me. worse or worst?

istiq, me and amirah.

and, am i allowed to point out another absurdity?
MY FACEBOOK HAS BEEN DISABLED !
damn sh*t, absurdities abused me!

latent love?

2009-09-21T16:05:00.006+08:00

finally, i'm here again. it's eid people and i got thousands kinds of duit raya;in cash, some would bank in, some even top up my credit. well, it considered, aite?

the night before eid was miserable. something happened between me and him. let's just say, it was all secret. let it be ours.

i don't know if this is for real but the only thing that i know, he had become a part of my life and i guess, i am, too. it was so hidden, too hidden that only both of us could see through it. it was transparent, all white when anyone else realised it was actually black. we haven't found any stains or dirt, any pain or worse, only wounds that would lead to heal. we damaged, we broke, we fell but we rose until we reached the sky where everyone could never reach us.

you always say 'i'm okay' to assure me, you always say 'are you okay?' whenever i felt insecure and you always say 'i'm always happy because i have you' whenever i asked you about happiness.

you pulled me into an undefined world that explain infinity questions. you took me into an incredible world that says amazing words but sometimes, you terrified me with your terrifying world that brings too much comfort until i couldn't define the exact meaning of happiness.

but somehow, i felt so much relieve when your sayings truly proved that you're getting mature enough, even more matured than me. you believed in this feelings and you'll never give up. neither would i.

perhaps, my life and his had twisted into a single strand. cut one, and you cut both. it's just too hard to live without him. a single second without that feelings would be pointless. he had to exist.

let us just look each other from a distance, hide those feelings away but not throwing it. keep it and hold it tight. believe in fate and accept everything that is given by Him. let this feelings be ours, not others', but only us. 'cause i'll always believe, if we were really meant to be it'll go nowhere.

----------------------
hide it, keep it and when the time comes, show it :)

perhaps, this time would be my latent love.

serious II

2009-09-02T15:08:00.004+08:00

current place : library.

i told my friends about it and now, i'm feeling better. i didn't know how it's going to be but i think i've made my decision, i guess.

it's too complicated. i wanna get things off, but it seems ridiculous. okay, the story sounds this way. he is too kind, too perfect and most of all, he's too hopeful. i don't know how should i describe him, but he's the most perfect guy i had ever have, i mean, as a friend.

i just wish i could remain our relationship this way, but he's going overboard. i didn't know whether this time was overboard or something, but his feelings is more than mine. well, yeah, it's a good thing but i'm really afriad.

i didn't know what am i afraid of. i just don't want him to put high hope on ridiculous things. i just don't want him to not to be him and most of all, i don't want him to get hurt. i just wish he'll remain happy, but not overexcited.

but he's too hopeful. maybe it was only some imaginative story he wrote, but really, he's writing the story of me and him. sort of like, love story...plus, he dedicated a poem to me too..well, how sweet would that be, aite? but, come'on, this ain't some romeo-and-juliet story. be realistic, please. i'm not blaming things on you. i'm just trying to be rational here.

actually, there's nothing happened between me and him. maybe it's just me, paranoid. but please GOD, help me, i really really wanna get things off, well not really all, just limit everything.

i'll stick to my promises. just friend.

serious.

2009-09-02T13:14:00.006+08:00

i think he's going overboard. i mean, he's serious. seriously, i really didn't want these things happen, especially when it comes to this stage. trust me, it's gonna blow off.

i don't think what i've done for all this while is a wise thing. i think he's going too far, further than what i've thought. i didn't expect him to be this serious. it's not that i don't wanna be serious, it's just that, i'm only 16 and hello? what i have to think about is MY STUDY.

xxx, tell me that you'll remain friend with me, forever, please?? :(

please GOD, help me out.
GET ME OUTTA HERE !

i think i should finish it off. he started it and i'm the one who will end it.
yes, i'm doing it. for the sake of me, and him too.

that feelings?

2009-08-31T10:25:00.005+08:00

have you ever felt someone is the one just right by your side but afraid to tell everything for one and only reason that you might afraid the present relationship will fade away?

i'm having it now. i told my my best friend, i don't trust boyfriend. and i don't know which nerve on my mind tells me that boyfriends are temporary but that special one may be last even longer.

i'm not sure if he is the one. it's complicated 'cause i'm still young and i haven't discover the outside yet. i'm too young to decide these things but it seems right. well, maybe i'm considered young, but it doesn't mean that i can't be mature.

so, think nabila, be mature, your life isn't only here. there's thousands more obstacles, happiness, various kind of people out there that you haven't know yet. hold on tight with your promises before, nabila. keep those feelings away, pull it away but please don't throw it.

look, i'm deciding now. it won't vanish or fade away. it will just remain that way. you and me will be just friend, not more than that. i have my own track, same goes to you. we still have a long way to run, please don't make me stop here.

i love you as a friend.

btw, i'm going back to hostel today. really sorry for not updating. i just don't want to say about homework, it didn't lift any of my burden anyway. just some sloppy words here. and not to forget,

it's 52nd Independence Year of Malaysia, people :)

p/s : i desperately need advises. please, help me out. fera, fazrina, sheena, iman, anyone?

a longgg deep breath people.

2009-08-16T11:11:00.002+08:00

activity week had finally OVER ! whoohooo ! i had it all; fun, joy, sorrow, dirts and most of all, a stronger friendship tide :)

lots of activities had been held which are quite exciting actually. well, to be honest, i didn't really into those activities at first 'cause it requires hard work which is total lazy for me to even touch it, specifically, the musical drama.

and trust me or not, our class was the winner for this exhausting, tiring, burdening musical drama. YAY ! we didn't even expect that we could go that far, i mean, even to the final... and now, we won the whole competition? still, i didn't believe it.

it all started with afiq's brilliant idea. the story was about love story and unfortunately, 4 indie's drama was exactly the same as ours. and i've got to change the whole thing the night before the competition since i was the script writer. and some stupid nerves in my mind told me an incredible crazy idea which is a lil stupid too at first. i changed the whole lovey-dovey story into some thriller movie that had made some of the juniors cried. CRIED? yes, they did.

it was thrilling. the story started with two harmony families which is about to be tied with relationships between their children. but happy moments changed in a sudden when one of them died. it was tragedy too when the sister, ME, was killed with no mercy. haha. and the killer, ricco, was really good in mood-changing, acting, dancing...everything. and the story ends with the death of everyone, except for the murderer's father who had killed his own son at the end of the story.

haha, kinda funny though 'cause the story didn't really make sense. plus, we didn't even practice for the drama and it was our LAST MINUTE work and thank God, we managed to get the first prize. haha. xD

besides musical drama, we also had picnic for homeroom. lots of fun especially when it comes to cooking! hihi, tadaaa!

various recipe. yum yumm :)

this is ours. our unknown name chicken. i cooked it btw :)

our hard work worth it :)

participated in fashion show too. looked a lil ugly but who cares? haha.

okay, the shorty is me -____-

had more fun in kampung night. kinda dissapointed though 'cause our performance didn't really work out here. but no matter what it takes, i loveeee my class, i love 4 Kreatif ! muackss ;D

4 Kreatif - KAMPUNG FIRDAUSI :)

and for outdoor activities, we had basketball, netball, football, explorace etc.

only managed to takes pic at where i'm incharged :(

4K and 4A vs 4S, 4I and 4P.

and we win again! hihi. that's all for now. gtg. more updates on hols and..
HAPPY FASTING ! a few more days people ! :DD

it's 0124.

2009-08-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

grabbed this from andy's blog.
from left : ema, me, inma, najla, andy and fera.

it's 0124 already and i'm still awaken. too many things to be written after being away for weeks. camp, competitions, interviews, award day etc. felt burdened sometimes, no, actually it's most of the time. if only i could have some lovey-dovey day without work. yeah right.

btw, new template i have here, cupcakes template and attention please, this ain't some cupcakes online sale. just adored with those cutie cupcakes :D

okay, i've lots of work to do. next week is an activity week. i hate it when it comes to such activities. it's one week school day without BOOKS and stress. sound fun but apparently it's more burdening than what we expected. trust me, i rather open up my 10 inches thick book than wasting my whole week with some hectic and tiring stuff.

i participate in fashion show and musical drama. and the rest is COMPULSORY while some not. gahh, why didn't they have some relaxing activity, like..sleep for the whole day, eat two trips in every lounge, draw anything we like on the school wall or do some indoor shopping at the koperasi instead?

ridiculous. they'll never have those things. will never ever have.

am working out on something hard right now, writing script for drama. squeezing my head to do so and i hope blogging will help. unfortunately, it doesn't really help.

that's all people. looking for more inspirations. goodnight people.

alone ≠ lonely

2009-07-18T22:56:00.001+08:00

it's been #%$&@ months since my last relationship. never thought of getting a new one, never thought of anyone either. just me and my own life.

i'm sicked of those things. sicked of everything that i've done, everything that i've wasted yesterdays. wasting for something that will never end my waiting. wanting for something that will never ban me from waiting. what i've done for all this while is just waiting.

it's a slap in the face when i knew my ex starts dating again while i'm not. a punch on my face too when i knew that i still have feelings for my ex while he's not. and now, it's the stupidest thing that i've ever knew for doing such a thing, it's like some bitch waiting for some dogs.

i received my very own wake up call when i stepped into a whole new world. a world which is a total nerd for me at first but it then turns me to a matured girl who had finally believed in fate instead of chasing something undefined. yes, i believed in fate more than i do yesterday.

my %&@# ex text me yesterday. i didn't know where the hell did he get my number from. he knew that i'm back. i mean, came back home. yeah, btw, i'm home. he asked me for some date which i considered as a stupid date. he owns a girlfriend, a moron i might say. i rejected him but he's offering for watching the latest movie, HARRY POTTER but still, i'm on my words, it's a NO. well, such a waste. but no worries, i'm buying it's CD or DVD or whatever related to harry potter.

he asked me about relationship. i mean my relationship. kinda offended, awkward at the same time. he told me that he's single, specifically, broken up with his last girlfriend. so what? did i ask for it? no. i don't care at all. see, guys are just too ego and dependent. they rely on girls but they deny it. they need girls by saying that they love the girl but they actually NEED girls. so what if you didn't have girlfriend? and so what if i didn't have boyfriend? i'm still alive, stupid guy!

YES, i'm perpetually single. even if i meet someone's great, i won't date him till i've finished my spm. i've had those friends who have to have a boyfriend all the time and as soon as it doesn't work out with one, they jump into another one within 24 hours and that's HUMILIATING! what would happen if you were stuck in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for you, just because you were lonely? being alone is just not the same as being lonely.

besides, what for hoping for something that probably didn't last long? it'll only leave wounds or worse, a broken heart. what exactly relationship for? what does it mean anyway? it means nothing.

i believe in fate. someday, somehow, i'll meet my true love but not now. i believe in fairy tales and i have to believe in love. a lil advice to all teens here, *those who're having relationship now*; if you guys are really meant to be together, you'll meet each other when the time comes, no matter what happened. so, what for having some undefined relationship now?

okay, i'm alone but it doesn't mean that i'm lonely. i'm just happy with my life right now and that's what i call freedom.

surprise?

2009-07-15T08:57:00.002+08:00

ok, everything's getting better. i guess. i'm forgiven, same goes to her. but for sure, she'll never forget what happened on that very day. and me? i've forgotten, well almost except the fact that i've to be 'shooed' out of her best friends' room. but nvm, someday, she'll know it feels to be shooed. haha. xD

VERY FUNNY.

so move'on to my life. i'm having a very very pleasent day. obviously, it's because of my next trip. haha, yeah right, TRIP. and this trip will be the worst trip ever since i'll be living in the jungle for like 72 hours 3 days to be exact continuosly and i'll be then looked like a tarzan, well, not really a tarzan, wife of his could be better :D

it's a camp. a pandu puteri's camp at kota putra, terengganu. so, again, off we go! and recently, i've been living like i've some boyfriends. i mean it, BOYFRIENDS. haha, not really boyfriends, it's just some scandals in the phone. hihihi ;D

i didn't know that someone took my phone number when i'm in MRSM Batu Pahat. every day of my life there goes with the flow except for this one guy, kept staring at me whenever i was there. ok, he's PUM, incharged for the kiosk everyday. i still remember the last sweater i bought from him and surprisingly, he did TOO.

i received an unknown phone call when i reached tawau. i text the person and he said, he was the one who sold the last sweater to me. i mean, WTH? i didn't even know who the hell he was. well, of course, we talked a few times but then almost most of them 'laughed' at our BM, i mean our SABAHAN BM which is a BAKU to them which i 100% disagree with. okay, i'm quite mad with that matter. whatever.

so, move on to my story, so, now, we're texting each other for almost everyday. idk, he seems cute, probably. we've met each other for sometimes...yeah, and he wished to meet me again in TUNAS SAINTIS in Balik Pulau this October. it's about science thingy and i hope, once again, i was chosen to go there :)

pray for me :DD

besides him, there's another him sms me. this time, i didn't know which one is him. i mean, another him. but for sure, this two HIMs is from the same school, MRSM Batu Pahat. so, whatever. okay, an explanation here, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. for the time being. hihi.

that's all for now. till then :)

broken.

2009-07-13T12:10:00.002+08:00

i'm having the worst fight right now. for God sake, it's the worst fight ever, i mean for this week. it was between me and someone who's obviously a paranoid person who'd ONLY think for the sake of herself and would only think for her own good which is totally NOT MATURED of specifically, IMMATURE !

i'. quite mad of this situation well actually YES, i'm very mad of her. she's kind of person that would only rely on the others but would never think of the others. i don't care if she's paranoid or something 'cause for God sake, i love her as a friend but for sure, i don wanna make it obvious. honestly, i don't like to show my love to someone i loved or maybe i don't know how to express those feelings but come'on laa, you're big enough to judge which one is right and which one is wrong.

and i think both of us had done some stupidest silliset mistake ever.

ok, f and i want to help you, yes we did. last night's situation had nothing to do with our condition in the past. i've always knew that i often hurt you but think again, that's for your own good. okay, maybe i sound hush to you, but that's the way i am. i can't make myself become some feminine girl who would pursue you, give you wake up call every second of your life til the end of your life. speak it for real, I'M SICK OF YOU.

yes, i'm cruel, violent, or terorist you might say. whatever, i don't care. and it's time for me judge you, you're kind-hearted but selfish, emotional and most of all you're SENSITIVE.

so, whatever,. if you wanna remain this way, it's up to you then. i've no more right to change you and i don;t think i can do this anymore. i gave up and it's all up to you, my friend.

p/s: it's just a broken piece of mine, ignore it if you don't understand. dedicated to someone.

i wanna go home :(

2009-07-08T08:07:00.003+08:00

after being away for 5 days, i've made my decision. i've heard so many things about me when i'm not in tawau. people has been talking about it lately and i felt really uncomfortable with it. i'm so not in the mood right now. it seems like i don't wanna come back here again. i wanna get away from this hell ~~school~~, technically, from those HELL PEOPLE. YES i do.

i'm having a really2 bad mood right now. terribly need someone who understands me. but it seems like i have no one right now. my soul ain't here, my heart ain't here, everything's just not right. i just wish i can go back to Batu Pahat and spend my whole life there. yeah, btw, i've just came back from Batu pahat for Math Carnival.

we've reached the final stage for our computer project, but unfortunately we won nothing. but out of 44 MRSM, we're the top 10, it's quite a great achievement what :) but nywy, congrats to farhana nabilah from MRSM batu pahat, my new friend, they got the first prize for computer project + diivan for getting the best debater among every MRSM in Malaysia. if you get to know him, he's really nice and a mad one.

indeed, it was great to get new friends, new environment and most of all NEW CLOTHES. trust me or not, i've bought 7 tees and i spent quite a number on tees ONLY. they're designed one, just for mrsm students only. they're awesomely cool ! :D but despite of my happiness there, i'm NOT HAPPY here.

no one will ever understand me. it's too complicated to be written here but i'm sure i'm relieved after quite a time leaving this hell school and now, i'm back again, meeting the same persons, who always talk behind my back and it's annoying.

current mood : indescribable.

p/s : about my last post, ignore it. it was more complicated than what i've written :(

stuck

2009-06-27T13:49:00.005+08:00

when it happened this way, all you have to do is to be neutral.

but i'll never be completely neutral. it's not that i wanna side any of them, but please, gimme some time to settle down.

ok, i'm currently involved in a boys' fight, involved indirectly. i hate it when it comes to this way, when guys fight because of a girl, (not fighting OVER a girl) and the girl is me. *this ain't about edward-vs-jacab-love story.* i don't consider this prob as relationship prob 'cause it's more to a friendship prob. it's been three years being friend with you two and i didn't wish to end this friendship just because of some silly mistakes that one of us did.

ok, i admit it, somewhere, somehow, i'm wrong. but please, you two, perhaps one of you is reading this, stop your ego please? why didn't you both settle down and just solve it PEACEFULLY?

i know, guys ain't girls.

and i'm not one of you. i didn't know how it feels to be a guy, i didn't know how it feels to be a boyfriend to a girlfriend, i didn't know how it feels to be a male student but despite of those feelings, i know how it feels to be a girl who had stucked in the middle. after you both came to me separately, at the same day, told me everything that i should know, i felt very, very guilty. if only i could give up, leave you two behind and let everything goes with the flow.

but it wasn't that easy. it took me nights and days thinking of both of you. look, no matter how ego were both of you, i know, you two need each other soo sooo much. please don't fight over a little thing. you're big enough to choose the right.

to be honest, i'm truly disappointed of you, Mr S. i thought you're the best for him, but it seems a NO. Mr. S, he's trying to change himself, please except him for the way he is. he didn't mean those things to be happened. he really needs you right now. all you have to do is to be with him, guide him, accompany him against all odds.

my advice, don't be that sensitive. and to Mr A (who'd used to be a best friend of Mr S), please change your attitude. you're almost hated by everyone in your hostel. behave yourself please and don't fight over the littlest thing. it ain't worth it.

so, that's all for the time being. about the post going to Kuala Terengganu, i'm actually going to MRSM Kota Putra, Besut, at terengganu. not kuala terengganu :)

and can't wait to fly off, off we go! BATU PAHAT :DD

till then, miss you too fazrina. looking forward to meeting you next hols. miss you like HELL.

in class :p

2009-06-24T08:59:00.003+08:00

am now having sains komputer class...not that boring..we're having photoshop tutorial right now...which are quite boring honestly..hehe..who cares..

ok, i've one question..it's so puzzling...
it's about these two friends of mine..and they're my boyfriend..
i mean, friends who are MALE in gender...
it's more to a friendship thing...

what will you do when one of them wants to be more than friend?

to be honest, i love everything to be in this way..everything's just flowing flowly..
everything's just fine, until the day he said that..
then, everything's changed..it's really awkward to be more than friend to your bestfriend..

gtg now..teacher's checking evrywhere.. see yaa..
and please reply me..give some opinion please..
desperately need it :(

btw sheena, i saw your hubby post, it's sooooo romantic.. :D

i'm still alive, people :)

2009-06-23T15:38:00.010+08:00

it was awesome here..
guess what..internet is OFFICIALLY USABLE IN MRSM TAWAU people!!!!
yeah, you Know, for my entire life here, well not exactly, just for these few months, i've been living like a jakunist..specifically, a living without internet...so uncool.. -___-

well, not nymore.. smiley face again!!
smile with me people !! smile !! *wink wink* :D

ok, my school's normal. some students went ~~gay~~, probably 'cause of pointer aka PNG. i got ranking number 3 for the whole form 4 and yes, thank God :D, my pointer is quite good too, haha, yeah right...3.88 =)

so, here's my result :)

BM 88%
BI 84%
Math Mod 80%
Add Math 87%
Bio 90%
Chem 88%
Phy 71%
Sej 93%
Ag Islam 88%
*not to forget, PJK is included in pointer too*
and fyi, my PJK sucks, 71%

actually my pointer is just 0.01 different from the ranking number 2..which i don't give any damn of anyway..ok, fine...quite good whatt..but still need some hard work..and fyi, ranking number one is soo sooo soo much GAY, 3.94..that was totally amazing..

move'on,
lastest about me, flying off to Batu Pahat, Johor early of July and at the end of july, going to Kuala Terengganu...the Johor one is for Math Carnival and the KT is for PANDU PUTERI..haha, a lil shocked when i wrote these two words heh?? who'd expect i'll join these girlie things??!! haha, sometimes, people change.. xD

well, that's all for now..struggling my head with some computer project for math carnival right now..hugs and kisses to all bloggersss..
especially to fazrina, izza, sheena, iman, fatney, eiya, kay, myaa, wawa etc..
miss you all so damn muchhhhhh ! :DD

p/s: thanks for reading my post nyway. i've nothing much to blog abt. just a lil update peeps :)

not to forget too,
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PEOPLE ! :D

and btw, if you've any comments or complain perhaps, please DON'T use my chatbox..use the comment tools instead. 'cause my school had banned cbox and i was unable to see ur comments...

COMMENTS ARE VERY WELCOME :D

stupid KLIA.

2009-06-13T17:17:00.002+08:00

am now at KLIA.

spending my time here in some stupid cafe which charged me RM10 for 50 minutes of using internet. stupid cafe..gahh, i'm sooooooooooo regret for not bringing my super-duper heavy laptop here. but whatever it takes, i've wasted my precious 10 ringgit for something stupid here...yeah, blogging.

and yeah btw, i've snooped around sheena's blog and kay's private blog just now. i wish to convey my greatest congratulations for sheena's brand new hair, it was really really NICE :D

and kay, i love your private blog, 'cause i'm sooooo sooooo in love with lucas and that GAY boy, ADAM LAMBERT. WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !! so what if he's a gay?? xD

i love you, ADAM LAMBERT !

move on, my life in KL was really UNcool. getting bored her, i mean it was really boring here. going to the same places everyday..and obviously, there's no handsome boy..if do, they're mostly taken. BOOHOOOO..and their girlfriends are the BICTHEST girlfriend ever!! ok stop it..am flying off to kk today at 9.50pm. stupid MAS airline..we've to get another flight tomorrow to get back to tawau. stupid, stupid hols. and tonight, i'm gonna spend my night at KKIA, and it was a total SUCKSSSS...

and to my so-called devoted companions, who'd always snoop around my blog and look at my craps, thanks a lotttt. :DD
i'm totally busy for this two weeks.
no time for replying comments...soo sorry :)

and for sheena, i'm actually incharged for your tuition thing in my school. but i didn't see you at my school...tell me what class are you in.. curious to know here.. :)

and and, do you think there's handsome guy in my school nywy? ;p

short update here.

2009-06-08T11:57:00.003+08:00

flying off to KL at 2.00pm. gonna get ready now.. but i'm have no mood for it. I DESPERATELY NEED SOME REST ! and yeah, just came back from LD last night, cousin's wedding and it was wonderful, upload the pics later. and, just wanna say goodbye here. it's gonna be a long vacation. THE WHOLE WEEK ! until this Sunday and i'll be back on Sunday too. gahh, enjoy heh? no, it's not. it's tiring. but anyway, i've booked 4 twilight series from a friend of mine in KL ! hahahaha ! yes, i'm a twilight freak ! and that's the main purpose of going to KL besides shopping. hihi.. gonna get ready now..i still haven't pack my things..haha, i'm LAZAYYYYY. xD

HAPPY HOLIDAY PEOPLE ! :D

p/s: so sorry for not rplying comments. it's tiring baby. :(

i was truly inspired.

2009-06-05T13:12:00.004+08:00

Obama says the Muslim call to prayer is "one of the prettiest sounds on Earth."

i was kinda shocked to see this and today, to my surprise again, Obama said something that was truly, AMAZING. there were no fist bumps, but there were many interesting moments during Obama's speech in Cairo. the moment that got the most attention, in Search anyway, was Obama's use of "assalamualaikum."

said the President too: "I'm also proud to carry with me the goodwill of the American people, and a greeting of peace from Muslim communities in my country: Assalaamu alaykum."

after the speech, searches soared on the greeting, its meaning, and translation. according to the Islamic Dictionary, it literally means: "Peace be upon you." it is actually a shortened form of a phrase that translates to "Peace be unto you and so may the mercy of Allah and His blessings."

even in his other speeches, the president is using quotes from the Holy Quran several times, including this key quote that drew big applause: "The Holy Quran teaches that whoever kills an innocent, it is as if he has killed all mankind; and whoever saves a person, it is as if he has saved all mankind."

look, i love Barrack Obama. so what if he's black? damn, he inspired me so much. his presidency proved that he is truly an amazing president that will rule the people in peace and harmony. i believe in him, i believe that he'll bring peace to this entire world. he is the only one who would change America's future. and seriously, if someday, who knows, he'll convert to Islam, his conversion will definitely gives a HUGE change to this whole new world.

just as notable was the President's omission of a very controversial word: terrorism. Politico explains that this was likely a very conscious decision on Obama's part. instead of the "t-word" in his speech, Obama used the word "extremism" to get his point across. "Islam is not part of the problem in combating violent extremism," Obama said. "It is an important part of promoting peace."

see, he was again using Islam as an example to promote peace. indeed, Islam is not a cruel religion, but

ISLAM is the symbol of peace and tolerance.
i'll always pray to Allah that his heart will be wide-opened and convert to Islam with all his heart and soul. AMIN :]

p/s: this might be a sensitive issue, but since it's my blog and i didn't say anything that offend people, it's a legal post. thanks for reading. :)

welcome me back, dead blog -___-

2009-06-01T01:53:00.006+08:00

yeah, it's midnight post. it's hols and everybody knew about that.
including me, YAY! i'm sooooo HAPPY. -____-

seriously, i'm not happy. nothing's interesting this hols.
except for the presence of my bro, KL vacation, cousins' visiting, cousin's weddings etc.

too many things to be done in a short time. i didn't expect my hols will be this packed. i mean, can't i have some relaxing holiday, sleep like until the breakfast time is over and enjoy my lunch directly after awaken, feeding cats all day long with some expired milk and cat food, drink some refreshing lemonade and eat some fattening snacks while watching some movies?

come'on, i miss those old times! i don't wanna spend my entire holidays with some shopping stuffs! seriously, i'm not in a shopping mood right now! i've turned myself into some jakunist girl who would only wear japanese flip flops instead of high heels and sneakers. i hate shopping. just hate shopping 'cause i hate seeing my money flowing out of nowhere. gosh, am i that terrible?

well, actually, i still love shopping. who would dare not to shop when sales are everywhere? plus if the whole budget was ur mom's? hell no, i love shopping man!! hihi. off record. :D

move'on, i am now proud to announce that my hell scary, freaky, tough, hard, difficult, damn killing examination is officially OVER. muahahahahahaha!! i'll have my very best holiday ever after this! i mean, i am! ahhahahah! overall, i'm quite satisfied with my result. well, not really good actually, it's just that i've done my best and my effort worth enough :)

that's all for today. a lil update people.
not in the mood of typing right now.
and before that, enjoy some ~~awesome~~ pics :)

welcome to my room, SK 12 :D

this is what we call, rules and schedules that will never be obeyed.

my dream bed. lol.

i love this shot.

memang kurang kasih sayang neyh xD

hihi. "mao jadi apa kamoo?"

home sweet home, i miss my dorm :(

and before continuing my sweetdreams,
thanks for the award miss eiya! :D
i am ~~BEAUTIFUL~~. xD

am i?

p/s: leave your sincerest answer at the chatbox. i need it. xD

have a pleasant holiday people!
goodnight and sweet dreams :D

too many things to blog about.

2009-05-01T13:11:00.006+08:00

yeah, as the title goes, i've so many things to blog about. toooooo many things. let's just start with some current issue then. the dog next door went berserk again this morning and it wakes me up. bathroom then called me to clean my ass. my mom starts nagging since i woke up at 11.50am. i ignored it and enjoy my breakfast in the middle of the afternoon. it tastes good and thank God i'm not eating in a jail's tray. as my hunger disappeared, my despair came in a sudden. i was so heartbroken as i found out the toys that i've been collecting since i was three defiled. till then, i gave up and start blogging.

and soon i became more frustrated when i found out my blog is barely alive and struggled breathing since the owner had been neglecting it for about one and a half month. but then i realised that i should be grateful for knowing that my blog isn't dead, yet.

move on about school,
nerds in my school had recently found out a better way to release their tension instead of addicting into drugs. most of them had officially become rubic cube addicts. they found it interesting till some had achieved their greatest record solving the rubic cube within seconds while some have gained brain-damaged ever since rubic cube squeezed their head out of nowhere and apparently, i'm one of them. fyi, i'm TRYING to be addicted with that stuff but i just can't.

my college too are now searching for a new Badan Wakil Pelajar. Badan Wakil Pelajar is a bunch of people who are incharged to do 'charity' for the whole school, you know, sort of like politics representives aka wakil rakyat. in order to be one of them, we've to join the audition first. then the whole school will vote for those chosen.

and guess what, i've joined the audition. O.o
it was hell scary. a few friends of mine joined it too and we're now in probation. waiting for the results. the other participants are damn good man! not sure if i'm chosen or not. :S

and'and people, my standardize test 2 had just over. SCREW IT. i don't think i can score this time. but anyway, felt a bit happy 'cause once and for all, i get the highest for my chemistry, 88%. my math sucks a bit, 88%. whatever.

flew off to Kuala Lipis last two weeks for dramafest.
i'll post further info on dramafest tomorrow.
haven't get the pictues from FERA yet.

uh-huh, i finally have a CRUSH on someone. his name starts with 'Z'. grr, he's really really cute. well, not really actually. just cute. i like him for no reason. my friends kept asking me why but till then, i'm speechless. perhaps a mole on his face attracted me? hehe. but, he already had someone. so, let's just say, we're not meant to be. haha. but still, i DO like him :))

gtg now. will post more later. hanging out with cousins.

and btw,
HAPPY LABOUR DAY :D

check-in mrsm :(

2009-03-22T12:07:00.002+08:00

GOODBYE :(
time flies and it's time to say goodbye.
i've got to go back to where i belong.
gahh, life gets back to normal.

JAKUNIST's life.
no handphone, no internet.
wiil miss you all.
keep in touch, okay?

with love,
nabila azureen aka yiyin :)

SHUT UP ! i'm fat.

2009-03-20T15:42:00.001+08:00

it took so long for me to open up this stuff. well, where did i go? haha, i was actually enjoying playing friendster. HAHA. damn, it's a joke.

no, it's not. -___-

i still remember the last time i've addicted with this stupid stuff was two years ago which had now, become a stupid stuff of mine, again, for this whole week. i spent at least 600 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 milliseconds for this stupid stuff per day and i'll have about 150++ comments everyday and i was like WTF? and currently my comments are as much as my FATS in my ass. trust me, i'm gaining weight due to my physical disability + my mom's best cooking ever + my have-not-done-yet-homework.

gah, i'm lazayyyyyyy.

and today, to my dissapoinment and sadness in my heart and soul,

i've found out that i've gained 2 KILO.

2KILOGRAM people!
2 KILO !!!!!

STRESSED, STRESSED, STRESSED >.<

i thought there's some zero error with that fcking machine, what did they call that machine??? aiyaaa, the one measure measure weight one?? duh, forget it.. but apparently, there's NO ERROR at all 'cause i just found out it was actually an electronic one which has no possiblility to make any mistake. blehhh -___-

STRESSED, STRESSED, STRESSED >.<

arghh, i ain't gonna look into the mirror again. not forever lah. i feel ugly, ugly, uglehhhh!! arghhh, i'm desperate, desperate, desperate. i think i'm gonna start staying away from rice. yeah yeah, and chicken and meat and mutton too and whatever that relates to fats.

arghhhhhh!!!!
my tummy is LAYERING.
omgomg, LAYERED!!
macam kuih lapis sudaa -___-

things to do ASAP. *which i don't know when, yet.

1. WORK OUT. ask dad to bring me to park.
you know i won't go alone! ada itu anjing gilaaa.

2. FINISH MY HOMEWORK.
to forget about food. :((

3. STAY AWAY FROM KITCHEN.
to avoid eating actually.

4. STOP LOOKING AT MY MOM'S FACE.
or else i'll be thinking about food.

lesson of the day --- DO NOT EAT.

this is serious man, i don't think i'm gonna step into the kitchen looking for some junks and food. no. NO. no.

this can be good too.
you won't notice you're fat when everyone is as fat as YOU. lol.

p.s : i've just gotten myself eating some cadbury marble chocs just now but i swear i won't eat it after this. but wait til i finish it laa. how could i DARE throw them away? they're my favouritessss. even the anorexics won't do that. xD

swollen up nose.

2009-03-14T15:10:00.004+08:00

i woke up late today ever since last night a model aeroplane became stuck fast to my nose with glue, i have suffered torment. my nose has swollen up so much that i am frantic with worry that it might burst and take my brain with it, no kidding.

fyi, i'm now suffering from giant flu + sore throat.

i didn't go for camping today due to my gigantic swollen nose. my life SUCKS. i cant do anything instead of blogging. guess my blog looks better right now, aite? gahh, white and simple.

talking about swollen nose, it reminds me about rihanna whose nose had swollen bigger than mine all because of her so-called devoted boyfriend. she's an idiot and chris is a dumber. they cheated on each other but they still wanna be together. they broke up for zillions and get back together for trillions and now, they ended up their relationship, again with a worse fight. watch this vid. it explains everything.

gosh, they're awful. xD

owh yeah, recently people are talking about spm results. my big bro is one of the spm candidates too. he gets straight As which is a big WOW to me.

his results : 8 A1, 1 A2.

he gets A2 for biology. i know he hates bio. that's the reason why he hates medicine. my mom once asked him to be a doctor but he ended up choosing engineering. he's now taking his A level as a preparation to go to Australia for his further study in engineering. anyways, CONGRATS BRO !

23 students from MRSM Kota Kinabalu gets staright As, only 5 of them gets straight A1, vilizan, daniel, kak syafiqah, kak aysyah and kak izzah. they are real great. i hope i'll be like them someday :))

another good news, i got 100% for both biology and pendidikan Islam in my standardize test :)

i get the highest for physics too, 83%.
*due to some technical probs, i get another 2 extra marks from teacher.

but i didin't score my chemist. my chemist sucks. i didn't study for it and it turns out 76%. i wish i could get higher.

that's all for the time being. thanks for letting me wasting your time.
will blog later =]

sex maniac ≠ physcho

2009-03-08T23:57:00.006+08:00

have you ever came across erotic thoughts before?
if no, you're a total bore.

look, i'm not a sex maniac, not a hypochondria, either. i had just noticed my wrinkles forming at my forehead. in fact, i wouldn't be surprised if my hair turns white overnight. i know, i'm now an adult, i'm no longer young.

okay, i was a normal type of intellectual teenager before some super-duper erotic thoughts came across my mind---i have never seen a real dead body, or naked body for my entire life. except for some little toddler's sexy-not-naked-body.

perhaps you might be saying right now, i should seek a professional psychiatric help for my hypochondria. come'on, i'm 16. i think parents should be more opened in these kind of topic. same goes to teens, there's nothing to be shamed of. in fact, discussing these kind of things will prevent teens from going overboard 'cause at least, they know what are the consequences after doing sexual intercourse.

look, teens are growing, our body's in a whirl, our hormones are in a maelstroms and our emotions are up and down like yo-yo. and of course, teens want sex. every lad of our age does. it's just the matter of doing it or not. for example, there are people who crave penthouse apartment and exotic holidays, but we can't have what we want all the time, right?

as for me, myself, i've been discussing this topic with my parents and they take it easy. their advice: take up a hobby, keep physically and mentally alert, learn to control your breathing and most of all, believe in your belief. :)

i think sex is only a small part of our life. so, enjoy your precious teenage years, people! life is so enjoyable, if only you didn't live in a hostel.

still not happy with the laundry.

if the boot fits, wear it.

2009-03-07T11:53:00.003+08:00

but if the boot isn't fit in, should i wear it?

gahh, it's like my foot are trying to fit into an extremely small boots right now. i'm so not into the mood of living in a jail. if you get what i mean.

it's not that i'm totally displeased with my boarding-schooled life right now, it's just that my life is so not enjoyable. my life is a total bore. go to school every day, every hour, every minute and seconds and all i have to think about is SCHOOL.

my standardize test had just over and thank God i haven't fail for any subject, yet. i thought i would fail my physics but hell man, i get the second highest in the class. it's like so unbelievable that i could score as high as 81% on that freaking hard paper! i thought i'll screw up that paper and end it crying nights and days, but now i feel like i wanna kill myself for being too ecstatic.

my BM gets the highest, 92%. teehee. i think i should write more BM posts after this. hoho. and my sejarah is the second highest, 96%. a few friends of mine get 100% for their sejarah which is totally an impossibility to score in st patrick.

we haven't get the others. a few subjects more to panic.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"omg, you already have boyfriend?" some of my friends exclaimed. the answer is NO cause it's the most illegal thing to be done in our school. but for further infomation, please ask me personally cause here is like too public. hehe. only my bestest friend would know about it. ;)

btw, i had become a poet there, yeah, apparently. hoho. and the funniest thing is, i'm a bahasa melayu poet. LMAO! xD

i was chosen to be the top 10 poets for the entire mrsm tawau and we'll have a final competition next tuesday to represent maktab to fly to Kuala Lipis for Minggu Bahasa. pray for me btw. :)

so, i'm home, again. we're allowed to go home once again cause next monday will be Maulidur Rasul. guess i have to spend another few days sleeping like a pig until the sun had completely rose. i'm now a desperate-sleeper. and a laundry hater, too. still, i hate laundry.

bloody muddy field.

2009-02-28T20:36:00.003+08:00

awful sports day.
thank God it's the last time for me :)
watch this.

kasian orh. have to run in mud. bloody hell.

sukantara part two.

i hate laundry.

2009-02-28T00:09:00.004+08:00

gahh. thank God for the laundrettes, if they hadn't been invented, i'd be dead of hydrophobia by now. huh, it's awful handling your own laundry, especially when it comes to manual washing. uh, just don't let me start this stupid topic.

sheetz, i'm so not ready with my standardize test. i haven't study yet, not even for any single subject. i'm sick with my packed timetable. it's so hard to get my butt off the bed at 4am. but, who would have done such crazy thing, EVERYDAY? so, i woke up at 5 am instead. HAHAH. after self-cleaning, prayer, breakfast blablablah, we've to gather around in front of the cafe just for some long-winded morning call. for all this while, i thought short call in SM St Patrick is the longest call ever but i'm totally wrong. 20 minutes just aint enough for that what-so-ever call.

we start our class at 6.40am and end it at 1.40pm. i slept the whole through for some subjects. that's pretty normal to an ammonia student like me. i even get myself some salivary amylase in assembly. but no worries, i have had the legal right to sleep in assembly. who would blame me for that if everyone does the same thing? hoho. sometimes, i love boarding school. xD

yeah, by the way, i'm home. mrsm tawau students can go back home overnight but we've to get back into that prison on Sunday. what a turn off! thank God too cause my parents are speaking to me in tones of gaiety recently. hoho, they are like making pathetic attempts to bring me back into normal life by drawing my attention to items of interest on the television and the other media electronics. 'watch the news!' they brightly exclaimed. boohoo! i'm not living in the jungle bhaa. haha. fyi, i do watch tv, in dewan selera, okay?

i thought i'll be happy living in that prison cause i take no more adult crap but it's the other way round. canselors and teachers are more like babbling around, keep reminding tiny-mini things, they are like really'really caring. especially our cikgu comel, kan fera? hoho.

grr, and yeah, some prostitudes are anti-ing me. i have no idea why they're hating me cause i've never ever spoke to them and then in all of a sudden, they hate me for no reason. weird heh?

so what? i don't care. i'm happy with my life now, satisfy with the food, grateful for the ~~Giant~~ radio, having sweet dreams in my very own single bed, everything, except for the fact that i have to wash my own laundry manually. still, i'm so not happy with laundry thingy. pfft.

memories.

2009-02-22T12:46:00.006+08:00

grr, it's been two weeks i've become some jakuns who didn't touch any media electronics except for some stupid radio purchased in ~~giant~~. i miss my mp4 you know! i strongly disagree that mp4 is not allowed in that so-called prison! but mp3 in the other hand, is allowed. stupid rules.

haiyaa, i don't have mp3 laa...

there, we spent most of our time for meals. stupid timetable, we eat six times per day. my fatty acids and glycerol will difinitely increase rapidly, soon, one month after or maybe a week? NO. that's the reason why i skipped meals for several times. yeaa, who wants to get fat?

but the food is not that bad, quite nice if compared at least it's better than the one in MRSM Koki. and fyi, for these whole two weeks, i washed my very own laundry MANUALLY aka using hands! OMG, it's so abussive. you can't abuse children with laundry! stupid dobi. but thank God, dobi will officially usable next week. gahh.

i met lots of people there. genius, nerdy, horrible, prostitude-looking, mean girls, uh-so perasan prince charming, indecent geek guys, you name it. overall, new school is awesome!

and sheena, really, lots of hotties there. hoho, i think i crush on someone. hoho. kidding. and teehee, i got admirers. hihi. perasan sudaa.

take care people, that's all for the time being. gtg back at 2pm. urgh, i hate rules.

btw, i have some pics for you guys, sweet memories, pleasent viewing. :)

I MISS SM ST PATRICK, FAZRINA, VALERIE, REBECCA, YVONNE, JULAYHA, JULIANA, AND 4 BERLIANS.
not to forget sheena, fatney, eiya, iman and hanis.

I MISS YOU ALL :(